the blog archives of blindsyntax.com

and with a single word,

she can destory me.

pics of my adventure to come if i make it home tonight hehe 🙂

what the fuck!! wwlp tv 22 was at my mall this morning at 6:30 in the morning doing an interview with the dir of opperations and he’s like there is no way we are closing… FUCKING A!!!

so i’m at work 8-6 and then trying to drive home after that, god damn pig fucker! 🙂

if there is one thing that i absolutely can’t stand in this world is wimpering by a person. ok say outch it hurts or something but if you start wimpering like some week pathetic fuck up, that annoys the hell out of me. shut the fuck up.

i’m not that insincere but it just gets on my nerves!

why is it that after every time i watch inuyasha i think about me and kat… well i guess the answer to that you would know if you watch that show..

tonight kat and i went to the mall to look for gifts n such and just to hang out cause we haven’t in the longest time. i just soo miss hanging out like we used to.

tonight kat did something that she never did before, she gave me a hug. it wasn’t a face to face hug, more of a me facing forward walking and she was sideways hugging me as we walked. i just melted. if i had any thing wrong with me, worrying about anything, or just any bad thoughts, there wasn’t anything of the sort when she was hugging me. and that sucks cause that means that i still have feeling for her. and as much as i like her, i dont want her cause that could mess up our friendship. but damn it i’m still in love with her. grr

do to current things, that are happening i’m going to redo the site… i’ve had the picture i’m going to use for a while but now i guess i have the “motivation” do use it… and it kinda fits i think… you’ll see, and i guess (some of) you will read too.

Yeah so my vaca was kinda a bust. Not that I wanted to go anywhere with anyone, but it would have been nice. Everyone was at work or in school or something like that. Oh well but the start of the vaca went well. Hooked up the first 2 nights and did a Halloween party then just chilling, and going to the mall (Holyoke not mine) to walk around and see what’s going on n such. Hey its an excuse for exercise right? And I got one of those egg shell foam bed things that’s oooh soo comfy. Um had a after-Halloween party yesterday at Mel’s place in noho, cops broke it up cause the neighbors are old fucks, who never had any fun, and we weren’t even loud or anything jesus get a life damn hippies.

so tomorrow is the last day of my vaca and Kat said she would give me a call after school/work or something so that would be cool hanging out with her. I haven’t seen her in about 2 weeks at least and I miss her. Surprisingly to my self she hasn’t been on my mind as much as she was when I was writing all that stuff (scroll down the page). haha maybe I need some kat shock or something to get my creative juices flowing again… Well that wasn’t creative juice more like sad pulp. Oh well… I got a couple of “backgrounds” for the new version of the site and just thinking on what I want to go with and like a theme. Or it might be many backgrounds with many themes… But do I really want to put that much work into the site that no one at all reads? Like last month I had a grand total of 24 hits, and just to give you a hint of what this year as been like so far here is the run down of the month and the hits during that month enjoy.

Jan 121

Feb 62

Mar 33

Apr 52

May 55

Jun 75

Jul 43

Aug 64

Sep 30

Oct 24

Nov 1

CNN.com – Study: New study shows that fellatio may reduce the risk of breast cancer – Oct. 2, 2003

Things to do tomorrow.

1. Get up when ever I wake up

2. Check email/myspace/weather to see what’s going on

3. Call Mel to see what she’s up 2

4. Take shower/shave/what ever else I need to do

5. Go to mall

A. Best buy for dashboard confessionals album on sale and what ever else I like

B. futon place to see how much that bed I want is / delivery / on line catalogue

C. Just walk around n stuff

D. Depending if I’m with Mel go shopping with her

6. Go to cvs and print out photos

7. Work on web site at some point

8. Look at cars… But that might get pushed off to another time

9. Maybe clean up my room hahahaha

10. Wash some clothes n stuff

11. Think of more stuff to do since I’m on vaca

12. Have lots of fun!

I’m so fucking lonely.

well tonight i was at a party, that my coworkers threw. it was fun times, i ran into some old school friends from highschool and had a good time. now me being the single guy, i didn’t mac it up like one might think. granted there wasn’t many single girls there. but still i didn’t do anything. but i’m kinda interested in one of the people at the party. she was from my highschool, we never realy hung out n such. but i like her way of thinking. and that what atracts me to another person. also she is cute, but not like omg cute. ya know? its the mental atration that i totaly dig if i want someone to be my g/f. like i have that with a couple girls, but one is down in PA, and the other has a b/f shitty huh? yeah i think so.

speaking of shitty mr. digital caffeine didn’t even give me a call tonight, but thats ok i guess…. g/fs come first then friends i supose. hey its a guy thing. hehe

in other news, well not realy, very nice pics from tonight. no you can’t see them heeheh well maybe if your nice and ask, but as i know. no one at all reads this site… no one.. well maybe a couple random people that find me from other peoples web site, but have no clue who i am or whats going on.

speaking of whats going on, hell Haney, i’ll help you out with that little problem you got… and belive me it would be worth your while… hell fucking yeah, oh and i wouldn’t ask for a back massage in return, remember the other person should want to not be like oh ok i’ll give you one since you asked… always thought you were cute 😉

wow long post tonight, and i’m not even drunk… well i was a bit buzzed tonight, but that was mostly from the jellow shots. thank you left over red rose pizza for helping me not be all shitty…. not that i would/could have gotten some tonight… oh but i wish i did… mmmmmmm yummy times could have been had.

so yeah thats about it. nothing more to say, i’m still on vaca, today is day um.. 2 yeah but it feels like a fucking week has gone by already and thats a good thing. so far… hooked up the past tonight, no i didn’ have anythign done to me, but she got her kicks and then some. tonight will be the first night on the vaca, that i’ll be boob free… kinda sucks, cause i do love them boobs, well any boobs for that matter, well not fake ones, but boobs none the less are yummy!

I’m sick of not being able to connect to people…

i got some ideas based on that last little tag i thought of. going to work on them tomorrow

just kill me, but doing so you wouldn’t have ment it. a reference to a dashboard confessional song

blindsyntax:

the only human that doesn’t want to be human

trying to understand the book of life, with no sight

unable to see the book written in Braille

just some tag lines I came up with after writing my last post… I like that last one

and she never called

i kinda didn’t want her to

she was the first person to ever make me cry

not that she made me, i just did, over her

i remember the first time

they were just watery eyes

blinking so the tearrs would run down my cheek

listening to one of her favorite bands

trying to understand the words

cause now they pertain to me and us

that second time was after we ate

it wasn’t that long ago, just a couple of weeks

but i remember it as if it were yesterday

i droped her off home, as i headed to mine

thinking of what was said, and what wasn’t

of what could be if things were done

but they weren’t so things could be the same

the shame of that thought running around my head

as i drive off home, the sadness building

i go up into my room and just lay down on my bed

and for the first real time i just started to cry

i just let my self go, it wasn’t a big drama event

just laying down crying, the tears falling

running down my cheeks one after the other

each carving a new path of sadness then the one before

she likes me

she likes me but she doesn’t like me

she likes me but she likes others who aren’t like me

she likes me but the others aren’t like me

she likes me but i’m not like the others

she likes me but she doesn’t like me

:: if those arn’t fast emo/punk song lyrics then i dont know what is ::

fortified with confidece, she tore it down in one night.

that night when we talked about us

and how things were cool and not any different

she said that she didn’t want to mess things up, i said i didn’t either

and thats why nothing was ever done

and just after that the bottle of wine was done

then it hit me, that old feeling again

that feeling that i’d thought went away

but it came back again, to my disslike

in the car i tried to credit it to the wine

but that little voice in my mind said other wise

at our next stop some other things were said as a test

a joking test, but yet a pass or fail test

and the answers to that test that i was giving

was taking and then held, only letting me see a glimps of the answers

but i knew what that rest of the answers were

and then i knew that, that the test was failed

as i looked up from where i was at

i noticed that i had fallen, yet again

with much angst, i tried to keep that smile for her

that girl who i guess i never got up from

or who i had fallen twice for

You know those moments of you live when things just seem so clear? Or better put, you know in the movie white men can’t jump, when they are in the car and they are talking about music and now one can listen to the music but doesn’t hear it… Well I hear the music now. Mainly dashboard confessionals and saves the day.. Wacky huh, and I got goose bumps when it happens too, but then a big smile as well. 🙂

so it seems that i’m writing song lyrics now…

i wonder what i’ll come up with next…

perhaps a new ver of the web site…

hahahahahahahahahahahahah….

to be with her, will be the best day of my life

when i’m with her, its the best time of my life

when i’m with her, its the worst time of my life

when i’m not with her, its the worst time of my life

when i’m talking to her, not in person, i want to be with her

when i’m talking to her in person, i dont want to be anywhere but there

when can i tell her how i feel

when did this happen to me again

when will it stop

when do i want it to stop

when can we be together

when will it be the best day of my life.

i dig the name marlene

oye look at this…

and she’ll never know

the time after we hung out before last

I dropped her off home thinking she’d go to bed

I went home and cried over us and what was said

but to later find that she went out

so see the person she said she wouldn’t

but it turned out ok

cause nothing, I didn’t say

tonight she got a gift from me

she said she loved it from now to infinity

if only she knew that it was directly from my heart

and if something could maybe, some day, just start

that would be great

cause perhaps, it will be fate

I guess time will show

its been do damn slow

being around her smile and her glow

could, would, should, something happen with us

I just don’t know.

i fricking hate, hate this cold. once i’m exposed to it, my hands dont warm up untill the summer. i’m having trouble typing they are so cold.. grr

oh yeah and my back is killing me.

i’m soo fricking bored

i’m thinking about just taking down the site, that is just putting up a banner page and thats it, as i redesign. but the problem is that i dont have any idea’s. and i’m not too sure about using the one i was working on when i had to reformat my computer. cause its not the same to me any more. i’ve changed since then. i know its odd but since i’ve had to reformat my computer loosing 2 years of art work, photography, my thoughts, my writtings, my school work, from college and yes highschool as well, (i copied it from my old computer), in essence loosing the output of my self, i have changed. i’m not so “computer” dependent as some one could notice. perhaps its also cause i’m changing as well. or not changing but more like relizing something that i kept hidden or pushed to the side maybe.

i dunno, but i dont have any “poof” hey this is how i’m going to redo the site kinda of a thing as of yet.

more to come.

yeah i’m in love with her again.

so yeah

new computer (had to reformat remember?),

new ways of thinking,

new version of web site comming soon,

new people,

new things,

new type of person,

new out look,

new toys,

new friends,

new me

Well so far soo good, I just finish installing win xp and I can like multi task once again, let my productivity commence!

my comp is a piece of crap, it doesn’t know how much memory i have so it craps out on me, and what else…. oh yeah i can’t do anything in it cause of that memory problem too… i’m on my moms computer now, how i’m able to type this… but yeah i need win xp on my system again!