the blog archives of blindsyntax.com

… she’s back

Yes, yes, yes, sorry, sorry sorry, to all (1 or 2 of you) who come to read my blog. It has almost been a year now since I last posted on here. For that I’m sorry. I’ve been busy with work, and play.

Play you ask? well not so much in the girlfriend area but with friends. Old ones and new ones, as i recall now from this past year. Hmm I’m getting this end of year/new years feeling now recapping the past years events… odd.

So here is a quick rundown of the past year in a semi order.
– may last year new phone
– new managers at my work (they rock)
– wii
– spent halloween down in nj with Aaron and Crystal a fucking blast with them have to do it more often, and had a great time playing wii with them.
– worked over a month and 1/2 with no day off
– worked thanksgiving
– worked 29 hours in the store the day before into xmas eve
– worked on xmas
– great b-day
– partys
– drinking
– found out that everyone is leaving my store but for me and one of my assistants
– already dreading later this month when 2 of my best workers and good friends are leaving.
– and maybe working on a new version of the site since i’ve not touched it in a year.

ya never know i might do it… heh

Well, Deathscythe, (my computer) is sick and in the hospital. it got some type of bug, that was in a picture that someone sent me, i didn’t think much of it at the time and thought i had deleted it, but yet had not done a virus check before i had to reboot my computer for another reason. stupid yes i know. so things were going fine with the start up, until the computer wanted to go into the log on screen after the xp logo. thats when it just checks A: drive and then sits there, doing nothing. same if i do safe mode, loads up divers and then sits there doing nothing but showing the list of drivers.

oh and btw yahoo and msn stoped working for me at the same time, and i can’t access those accounts for blindsyntax at all. so its odd…

so i’m hoping that computer hospital can fix this problem without a reformat. if not then so be it. at least i have that 300 gig hard dirve in there now with all the pics/vids and programs, the only thing thats not on there is the installed progs and of course the o/s. i guess this will give me the excuse to install some extra RAM in it that i’ve been wanting to 512 isn’t cutting it for me anymore heh.

in other news, now that i dont have my computer here, i’m using the lap top i use for when i do mr. computer man work. its ok, but i don’t have my favorites of web sites to surf. and stuff like that. but i do have the chat stuff to talk to my friends, and its got me thinking about stuff, what excactly i’m not sure, but stuff like letting go. letting go of what, again i’m not sure, but perhaps something like a security blanket of some sort.

and another thing, i’m single, why is it every girl who knows me is like, why are you single that doesn’t make sense. my reply is if i knew why i was single then i prob wouldn’t be now would i. and this is true. i don’t want to be single i want a girlfriend. i want an emotional connection with someone else that i can share stuff with, as well as mind blowing sex, but i digress.

so with that i’ve been playing on okcupid the past day or 2 and thinking, dare i say go back to myspace and maybe look around, although i think myspace is kinda lameish now, but its great for keeping in contact with friends, but not when that entails stalking their friends list and bitching about who’s in the top 8/12/16/ what ever…

also moving out would be a good thing, but lil zoom zoom needs to get paid off first, another year or a big fucking raise would do.

so thats my lil ramblings for now, i’m sure when i get the new comp back there will be a new redesign to this sight just like when deathscythe had to be reformated 4 or so years ago and lost everything, that is everything that wasn’t on the server, ah remember that people the few of you that actually come to this site. the per ver of this site, digi the digital world of me, yeah then i was a different person, the person still in the shell, the shell that didn’t get broken fully from kat, but started to be chipped from robin. its funny every time i grow in some way the site changes too. thats interesting something to think about… i wish i had my computer here to draw with, my fast amout of clip art images, although thinking about that right now, i’d prob do another set or 2 of mandalas, and speaking of that… i never posted those 4 that i have recently made. well if i saved them on the right drive and they are then when i get the comp back i’ll post them for ya 🙂

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put u and i together
Woman: Really, I’d put f and u together

II.
Thou shouldest never ask “can we see each other from now on?”

III.
Thou shalt refrain from referring to our activities as “love making.”

IV.
Thou shalt not request advanced plans.

V.
Thou shalt kiss anything except my mouth.

VI.
Thou shalt scream my name often

VII.
If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.

VIII.
Thou shalt not ask me to walk thee to thy car. Don’t thou knoweth what it looketh like?

IX.
There shall be no “pillow talk.”

X.
There shall be no cuddling — ever!

Nothing lasts forever
so live it up
drink it down
laugh it off
avoid the bullshit
take chances
and NEVER have regrets
because at one point
EVERYTHING you did
was EXACTLY what you wanted

– taken from a friends profile

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

I distance my self from the ones I love
for unknown reasons even to my self
things are going well despite other thoughts
today starts anew
the beginning is born

my eyes are closed i’m not looking
it will find me and make me happy
that is what they say will happen
i dont belive them, cause i have no luck
would be nice if i dont have to be the proactive one for once
have her come up to me and ask whats up
that would be a nice change of things

something from an old writing that i once wrote some time ago… when does the nice guy finish first? i’d just like to know, cause well it never seems to happen, never at all, just my luck, it all plainly sucks

sleeping in this bed of loneliness
the bed that matches the heart
that singular muscle that feels so single
the only time you dont want to be no. 1
but rather a half of the whole

i was just wondering…

whats it like to hold someone in your arms that cares about you

whats it like to cuddle with someone

whats it like to feel special

whats it like to feel lucky

whats it like to feel wanted

whats it like to be wanted

whats it like to be lucky

whats it like to be special

i was just wondering…

…cause i forgot

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose

It seems I only felt the thorns

And so it goes, and so it goes

And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed

It’s just as well for all I’ve seen

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you

That’s if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes and so it goes

And you’re the only one who knows

Play like an allstar,

bang like a pornstar,

party like a rockstar!

sleeep

in my bed

that is me

empty is the bed

empty are my arms

empty is my heart

i just stoped in for one drink

one drink is all i wanted

the drink that will help me think

the drink that won’t make me daunted

lonely in my bed

the blankets are the one i hold

she’s missing from my side

the single slumber

i was just wondering…

whats it like to hold someone in your arms that cares about you

whats it like to cuddle with someone

whats it like to feel special

whats it like to feel lucky

whats it like to feel wanted

whats it like to be wanted

whats it like to be lucky

whats it like to be special

i was just wondering…

…cause i forgot

i dont want to be home

i dont want to be lonely

i dont want to be by my self

i dont want to live here any more

i dont want to be single any more

i dont want to be the only one in my bed

i dont want to feel this way any more

i dont want to feel out ranked

i dont want to feel out of place

i dont want to be in last place

i dont want to be the friend any more

i dont want to be that great guy

i dont want any of it,

im sick of it all

a repost from april 9th, followed by something new

————————

the thoughts in my head

stem from the loneliness of my bed

confused is the heart

it doesn’t know where to end or start

friends all around

some happiness could be found

it happened once before

and it was sworn never again no more

time went slow and fast

feelings have lingered into the past

someone new

came out of the blue

it was ended with a sigh

a quick two months went by

people came and went

but no effort was needed or spent

then someone new arrived

for so long i’ve been deprived

where will this go

i dont seem to be in the know

the time doesn’t seem right

i’ll just give in and probably loose another fight

these words have been said

from the thoughts in my head

—————————-

well I didn’t give in

I stood up and gave it a shot

I didn’t lose nor did I win

a relationship I didn’t get but a friend I still got

those words in my head

the thoughts that I’ve said

the key to my protection

a missed vote for the election

another experienced gained

another lesson learned

reasons were explained

a new direction turned

happiness comes in many forms

and sometimes you don’t get them in the norms

loneliness also comes and goes

and that’s all right too I suppose

but in the end everything works out

it’s part of life to find what it’s all about

Journey

DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’

Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world

She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit

He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

A singer in a smokey room

A smell of wine and cheap perfume

For a smile they can share the night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching in the night

Streetlight people, living just to find emotion

Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,

everybody wants a thrill

Payin’ anything to roll the dice,

just one more time

Some will win, some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

(chorus)

Don’t stop believin’

Hold on to the feelin’

Streetlight people”

so it is done

I’ve given her my key

my protection is gone

the package has been sent

all she has to do is open it

with the key she can unlock

my heart and emotions lay inside

afraid of what might happen

with the knowledge that will be gained

will it make things different between us

or will it stay the same

if things go in a different direction

where will that take us

with it make us closer

or make us farther apart

for I am a lonely person

wanting to be with her

to have that protection

given by her

and in return

I’ll give her anything

I’ll give her the space

I’ll give her everything

trust is a hard thing to give

but you have to take a chance

to see what might come of it

what will happen and what won’t

love on the other hand

is so easy to give

but to take it back

is so very hard

I’ll treat you right

do you no wrongs

talk to you about what’s going on

and anything that’s on your mind

I’ve been told I’m not like most guys

and I like to believe that it’s true

but that hasn’t helped me much in the past

and now I hope that it might start to pay off

for I know your needs

and I know you know mine

I won’t be like the others

I’ll be yours, and could you be mine

they say let things happen

but they don’t happen unless something happens

something happens to start or end something else

have it be the first acknowledgment that you like someone

or have it be the “good” bye during a break up when it isn’t good at all

letting things happen works out great in theory

it works out great in the movies and in stories

it even sometimes works out in life

or at least we hope it to

but how do people go about things

in a indirect way to let that thing happen

when you are letting that thing happen between you and another person

they are doing direct things to indirectly make something else happen

it’s a messed up kind of thing

but its the way that life takes you

from hills and valleys

to the highest peeks, and the lowest lows

but in all it is a good thing

even if it seems like a bad thing

when it ends it seems like the worst thing in the world

but after that everything starts anew

it is another chance at something else

another path in the woods a new direction to go in

the past is behind you and you can’t turn around

time pushes you forward towards that something new

and when you move forward

things come to pass you by

take a chance to look around

you never know what might happen if you let it

i’m scared of what will be

afraid of what’s going on with me

alone by my self with out her company

wanting her by my side

with her I wish to confide

together we can be each others guide

the space she wants I’ll give her

and with that I won’t deter

just hoping for a relationship to occur

my hopes wishes and dreams

just a foggy view it seems

hoping this work isn’t in extremes

the lonely breeze enters

this thing called love, who were the inventors

tell me so they can be my mentors

some interesting news

it seems changed are the views

things might be going in my direction

should i start to take down my protection

i’m afraid to let her in

to let her see the tenderness of my skin

how easily the outer layer can crack

from a simple word, a most devastating attack

but i want her to know

how special she is like virgin snow

the feelings i feel for her

but in return will she concur

this debate i have within myself

i wish i could find some magical elf

to tell me the answer i seek

or just a slight little peek

i’m just not sure

as i try to find this cure

in these writings i write

during the dark lonely night

why doesn’t the good guy ever win

why doesn’t he ever get the girl

the good guy who never committed a sin

she probably knows that he likes her

she has to know that he likes her

its obvious to every one else

perhaps she likes playing games

perhaps she is the one that likes to be the winner

forget the good guy, the prize goes to the one who is the sinner

he tries to forget about her

he tries not to have those feelings

its just like what keeps you alive, you just can’t stop breathing

no one to talk to

no one calling my name

its starting to get to me

its starting to make me feel lame

its just not the same

being by ones self

there isn’t anyone to blame

just the name of the game

the rain falls

as i sit here

i breathe in deeply

hoping that the smell will linger

the sound of drops falling

surrounded by fog and darkness

thats it no more

i saw the door

i went for it by my self

i did it for my health

i could see what you could not

its a good thing, my heart i still got

that i didn’t give it away

to you that other day

yes friends we still are

dont worry its a scratch, not a scar

just try not to keep bringing him up in conversation

as you did it during our date with out any hesitation

what are you thinking

what will you say

are you going to take me

or tell me to go away

myself i dont know

my thoughts they go to and fro

please tell me so i can figure things out

so there isn’t anything left, not even a little doubt

its not that i’m dwelling on this issue

nor should you, no one should be crying or need a tissue

its just that i feel like i should be moving on

so what is it, am i staying or get going and begone

i sit here thinking about relationships past

how they never got started, sputtered or just went to fast

i feel lonely being by my self

my heart is starting to ache from its declining health

she needs to make a choice

listen to that inner voice

let it tell you what path to follow

and not leave your heart cold and hollow

for it needs to be said

cause i no longer want to be led

my actions misconstrued

from my hears foggy view

let me know the decision

look deep in side your self for the vision

you know what is right

i won’t put up a fight

if the choice isn’t in my favor

i won’t need a savior

all i need is for you to continue to be my friend

nothing will change for us from now till the end

and what if the strings of fate are pulled towards my direction

you see the whole person, inside and out, silliness and imperfection

then i consider my self very lucky

happy, peachy keen, and just ducky

i might not know where to go from there

i wouldn’t want to give you a scare

one day at a time taking it slow

hoping that this relationship will continue to grow

she talks about him

but doesn’t know my feelings within

how sickly it makes me feel

but i smile and laugh

god how i wish i could break this seal

she lies to her self about her situation

“i’m free to date n such” she says despite her infatuation

how might i know this you might ask

well she brings him up during regular conversation

chit chat, gibber gabber, and doing some small task

so why do i linger on this person

one can’t do much about the feelings that they have

they just spring up out of the blue

so say what you might, i still have some hope

and i might as well be also labeled some sort of dope

it would all be easier

if we didn’t have to go round about ways

it would even could cut the time in half

to months, weeks, maybe even days

cut to the chase with your emotions

it will alleviate this stupid commotion

if you like me, and i like you

lets do something

hang out, go to a movie

just us two

and if i like you and you dont like me

its easy to say it, just do it, can’t you see

yes feelings might be hurt

like i’m less then dirt

but thats how the game is played

the heart is just a muscle

a piece of meat to be filleted

we can continue to be each others friend

let those feeling i have dispend

it will take time yes

but i’ve done this before

and my heart, well it’s still sore

it takes time, picking it up off the floor

why is it something new

reminds you of something old

that something new

a story that has yet to unfold

the music starts to play again

the familiar sound in your heart

do you want it to happen

will you make it start

the choice is yours

its in your hand

cause i’m just a little grain

a tiny piece in all this sand

the signals sent

are mysterious in nature

are we just friends

or can i date her

people who are depressed

people who get high

people who smile

people who want to die

people who are single

people who sit by the phone

people who mingle

people who are alone

people who are sad

people who are happy

people who are mad

people who are sappy

people who listen

people who see

people who have a mission

people who want to be

the thoughts in my head

stem from the loneliness of my bed

confused is the heart

it doesn’t know where to end or start

friends all around

some happiness could be found

it happened once before

and it was sworn never again no more

time went slow and fast

feelings have lingered into the past

someone new

came out of the blue

it was ended with a sigh

a quick two months went by

people came and went

but no effort was needed or spent

then someone new arrived

for so long i’ve been deprived

where will this go

i dont seem to be in the know

the time doesn’t seem right

i’ll just give in and probably loose another fight

these words have been said

from the thoughts in my head

things i’m sick of:

being lonely

being single

living at home

my mother being annoying

all of the shit in this house thats taking up space

and fucking internet/computers not working right, wtf

Groove Coverage – Poison

Your cruel device

Your blood, like ice

One look could kill

My pain, your thrill

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You’re poison running through my veins

You’re poison, I don’t want to break these chains

Your mouth, so hot

Your web, I’m caught

Your skin, so wet

Black lace on sweat

I hear you calling and it’s needles and pins (And pins)

I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Don’t want to touch you but you’re under my skin (Deep in)

I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison

You’re poison running through my veins

You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains

Poison

One look could kill

My pain, your thrill

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You’re poison running through my veins

You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains

Poison

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah

I don’t want to break these chains

Poison, oh no

Runnin’ deep inside my veins,

Burnin’ deep inside my veins

It’s poison

I don’t wanna break these chains

Poison