the blog archives of blindsyntax.com

oh yeah i was going to redo the site this past week… opps my bad i forgot lol. well no i didn’t but i did’nt feel like doing so, but i did play around with some ideas on how the site should look/work/feel. (hot, hard, sexy… i wish) but anywho um maybe i’ll do it tomorrow or something when i get home from work. i just dont feel like redoing the site from the ground up thats all. not that its hard to do or anything. hell i’m a cert web master, i went to school and everything!

and i just gave my mom 5 checks to pay off the bills for this month, total amount is greater then i make for my bi-weekly payrate. there for i worked for 2 pluss weeks and have nothing to show for it.. i hope she will pay me back eventually, and this is why i can’t move out. not that i can move out till she “gets better” and stuff. oh yeah my car has to be inspected this month… it better pass or that is more money gone. and i was thinking to my self, hey i’m going to get my self a nice birthday present, a new car. yeah mabe a matchbox one…

7:31 pm – 2:58 am, thats one long date,

hehe but the sex was great!

oh yeah i forgot to post this the other day, kat can get her gifts when she wants to hang out n such, till then they will just sit.

i had a dream about a good friend of mine last night, i was in bed with her just chilling, then we were naked but we weren’t doing anything, we were just like before chillin. then i was holding her in my arms saying how it might be interesting if we were to try being in a relationship. i started to rub her back, she hugged me close. i started to get turned on (i dont know why) and we started to roll around on the bed. then we fell of it, and i landed ontop of her, she positioned her self to me and asked if i wanted to do it with her, and just about as i was going to make my decision that was a yes to position my self right to her, i woke up.

now a nother friend asked me if i could ever think of having sex with the friend that was in this dream. or if i have ever jerked off thinking about her. now i could jerk off thinking about her, and i could have sex with her, hell i was in love with the girl, and still have feelings for her. i kinda wish that we can try out a relationship just to see what would come of it. it would be a wonderful sex live i know that lol, but we get along so well, just that she has been so busy with work (and as it has seemed the past month and 1/2 hanging out with other people and not me) that it might be difficult.

but as my luck shall have it, the girls that i can get, i dont really want. and the ones that i want, the ones that i have a mental attraction to as well as a physical attraction (or less of one, but the mental makes up for it) i dont get. such is my luck.

oh p.s. these posts will prob become more sexual n such over the comming posts, just cause things seem to be happening but not the way i would like them to be as just stated. but hey if i can get it i can get it right? right…. eh yeah, right.

i’m going to be hard core redoing this site this week, i’ve just had enough of it. good bye to all who have been apart of it, and hello to the new ones to become part of it.

p.s. i’ll still have the old stuff to view on line. but everything else will change.

i really dont like it when i drink, cause i always get up early in the morning… i’ve been up 3 times already today… grr

her present still sits in my living room, still wrapped. waiting for her to open it. it was the thing she wanted, the most expensive of the choices i had. there are also 2 other little gifts for her, ones i know she would like. ones she didn’t ask for.

what do i ask for? just to spend time with her. the first love i had. the first best friend of the opposite sex, the first person i actually felt at ease with, but yet totaly strung out over. i haven’t seen her for about a month now, and barely get a chance to talk to her.

she wished me a happy new year last night as i sat at home alone, asked if i wanted to go out with her and her friends. i said no. i was in no condition to go out, unshowered, undresses, unshaved. she had plans for today to go out to dinner with a friend. i’ve been trying to hand out with her for almost a month and i get nothing. she asked if i wanted to go. surf and turf. i dont like sea food. i just want to chill with her no others. just chill with her and then maybe others.

do i still have a thing for her, or do i, just have something else. it was asked to me if i could think of kissing her, having sex with her, and i dont know. as a guy i can think about fucking any one i’m attracted to, but with her its different. i wouldn’t just want to fuck her, even though i’m sure it would be a hell of a time. perhaps the lack of physical contact with her makes me think that way. it was that last time we hung out that she kinda gave me a hug. and it wasn’t even a hug it was a hug on the side of me.

perhaps if she knew this, not that she couldn’t know already, but what if she just knew, and perhaps if we just give it a go, we talked about this once before, how we dont want to mess up our friendship, but how can it be messed up if i can’t even talk or see her. it will only turn out in two, maybe 3 ways. one is that we get together and stay together. two is that we get together and it doesn’t work out and we go back to be the same, or 3 we get together things dont work out and its just wierd. and in that case i’ll still have a thing for her or not. i think that we might just need to try it out to see if this is true, and to find out what she is feeling, instead of just getting leaded around.

another long post, where i was just going to say a little thing. perhaps i need something, someone else. its not that i haven’t been trying. but when one isn’t in the mood or things just dont make me fell like doing anything it doesn’t help much.

what ever…

happy new year….

let see what my birthday brings next month…