the blog archives of blindsyntax.com

every one gets even a little jealous some times, it just depends on what the situation is. and then how they react to it. and its funny how it makes them feal like crap some times too

i hate it when bad things happen to people you care very much about.

now i should really be in bed right now, or as soon as i got home but i’m not. i just have a couple things on my mind tonight.

first off went out with the girls from work again, namely Jen and Amy and and a good time. we ran into this girl that amy is trying to hook me up with but as things have turned out the last 2 times we were at the same place at the same time there was another guy, whom she knew or something to that sort, so who am i to interrupt that… and besides the bar seen isn’t exactly my thing to try to talk to people/meet people i dunno. maybe cause there are way to many people in there at the same time.

we had tons and tons of pics taken of all of us, digital cams are fun toys let me tell ya. well all of you (the 3 that read this, and one whom i know out of the 3 for sure) know all ready.

we went back to jens and this guy and that girl amy was trying to hook me up with (whom she was talking to all night at the bar with) were on the coutch together so i went into the other room with amy and was hanging out where and some other people and jen, and let me tell you, that cuddling that that i’ve been wanting felt fucking nice tonight, just chilling with amy resting on her legs up on top of the futon me resting against her legs and jen across the futon and her head on my chest/lap got some good pics of it, good times good times.

on the flip side of that… things that i’m thinking of that aren’t making feel too nifty:

– nights like this remind me of spending time with kat in boston, or just kat in general, i miss her

– will i ever get the girl? it’s still bothers me a bit every now and then when jen talks about her exs or how she’s waiting for her ex to come back from the military in front of me… wtf she knew how i felt, doesn’t she might think that it could maybe bother me just a bit? or at least by my reactions how i totally lose interest in what she is saying and do something else? and this other girl erika, she has energy let me tell ya, kinda reminds me of kat… come to think of it all of the girls that i’ve had interests in (this last one eh so so ) but all of them have the same type of “energy” in one way or another, robin, kat, jen… and we know how all that went down…

but in all and all, i have good friends, so its not that bad. sure i’m lonely as fuck, always “the nice guy” but not the nice guy that someone want to be their boyfriend. its just funny how people tell me about these guys that they are with and they are treated like shit by them one way or other, and i’m thinking to my self, whats wrong with these guys, why fucking cheat on your girlfriend and then still keep it going.. if things aren’t working out end it, talk about it, but dont fucking do something like that, its like slapping someone in the face. no respect for her, or the relationship. and a bunch of other shit that i can’t figure out why peope do that shit.

i’d just like it, if a girl would “take the lead” as it were and be like hey i like you (and god willing she is cute and i like in return, and not a moped hehe) and just get the bullshit out of the way, like one of my writings said it just makes everything so damn easier.

i was just wondering…

whats it like to hold someone in your arms that cares about you

whats it like to cuddle with someone

whats it like to feel special

whats it like to feel lucky

whats it like to feel wanted

whats it like to be wanted

whats it like to be lucky

whats it like to be special

i was just wondering…

…cause i forgot

time to vent:

i’m going to start a new tv show,

its going to be called the ‘worlds biggest bitch’

and its going to be staring, my mom

the home channel, tlc, or like any of the other tv networks that like to do reality tv shows or the alike should do something like the worlds most dumb stupid fucked up bitchy mother, and just follow my mom around and tape her… that might be interesting, it will be like american choppers with the dad and son allways fighting around the bikes, but here it would be me and her fitting around all her shit that she never does anything with.

she wants to clean the house she says and complains to me that the house isn’t good. ok fine i do my shit and boom its clean, all her shit is still the same, or she’ll do little things that doesn’t do shit for the rest, case in point her office, that litterly has a semi trail from the door to the computer and thats fucking it, there is space around the keyboard but not much for typing but on both sides there are hills and mounds of shit, just random stuff all over the pace oh and dont forget the big ass trash barrel that is in her office, cause the little one just was too much of a bother to keep on emptying with all the food shit she brings up there. next thing she would possibly clean is her room, yeah like anyone sees that. next would be the bathroom, joy she put her shit away.. wow that is untill the next morning when she has to get ready for work…

and the best thing was today, didn’t do shit to the basement cause perhaps get rid of that shit down there.. and we can put some other shit from up stairs down there.. but no, she goes and fucking takes off the pain of the hand rail out side of the front door and then is going to repaint it at some point… wtf?

oh btw i did the kitchen today the part of it that might stay that way and the rest is her shit… i need to fucking get out of here, anyone want a room mate?

i dont want to be home

i dont want to be lonely

i dont want to be by my self

i dont want to live here any more

i dont want to be single any more

i dont want to be the only one in my bed

i dont want to feel this way any more

i dont want to feel out ranked

i dont want to feel out of place

i dont want to be in last place

i dont want to be the friend any more

i dont want to be that great guy

i dont want any of it,

im sick of it all

for a relationship to be a good one, there will be some pros and cons with in that but to use the term its self, its a relation between the 2 things, the good and the bad that make the whole

i was cleaning my room today and found a lil collection of fortunes, from fortune cookies. they are as follows in no particular order:

Be most affectionate today

lucky numbers 10, 20, 25, 34, 40, 45

Don’t be afraid to take that big step

lucky numbers 12, 17, 19, 33, 36, 38

You may attend a party where strange customs prevail

lucky numbers 6, 14, 17, 19, 22, 25

Passionate new romances appears in your life when you least expect it

lucky numbers 17, 27, 24, 25, 32, 38

You will soon discover how truly fortunate you really are

lucky numbers 21, 43, 5, 36, 17, 6

Smile to others, honesty and friendship bring you fortune

lucky numbers 39, 42, 17, 2, 28, 30

Your mind is filled with new ideas

lucky numbers 23, 14, 38, 47, 22, 6

You are heading in the right direction

daily numbers 7 6 0

lotto six numbers 13 29 38 44 3 8

Have a beautiful day

daily numbers 0 7 9

lotto six numbers 31 3 46 44 12 37

You are a person of culture

daily numbers 9 2 9

lotto six numbers 13 20 43 31 39 1

Listen not to vain words of empty tongue

daily numbers 9 3 7

lotto six numbers 38 19 15 24 4 5

Your exotic ideas lead you to many exciting new adventures!

i need to get drunk like that more often i think…