the blog archives of blindsyntax.com

the rain falls

as i sit here

i breathe in deeply

hoping that the smell will linger

the sound of drops falling

surrounded by fog and darkness

thats it no more

i saw the door

i went for it by my self

i did it for my health

i could see what you could not

its a good thing, my heart i still got

that i didn’t give it away

to you that other day

yes friends we still are

dont worry its a scratch, not a scar

just try not to keep bringing him up in conversation

as you did it during our date with out any hesitation

what are you thinking

what will you say

are you going to take me

or tell me to go away

myself i dont know

my thoughts they go to and fro

please tell me so i can figure things out

so there isn’t anything left, not even a little doubt

its not that i’m dwelling on this issue

nor should you, no one should be crying or need a tissue

its just that i feel like i should be moving on

so what is it, am i staying or get going and begone

i sit here thinking about relationships past

how they never got started, sputtered or just went to fast

i feel lonely being by my self

my heart is starting to ache from its declining health

she needs to make a choice

listen to that inner voice

let it tell you what path to follow

and not leave your heart cold and hollow

for it needs to be said

cause i no longer want to be led

my actions misconstrued

from my hears foggy view

let me know the decision

look deep in side your self for the vision

you know what is right

i won’t put up a fight

if the choice isn’t in my favor

i won’t need a savior

all i need is for you to continue to be my friend

nothing will change for us from now till the end

and what if the strings of fate are pulled towards my direction

you see the whole person, inside and out, silliness and imperfection

then i consider my self very lucky

happy, peachy keen, and just ducky

i might not know where to go from there

i wouldn’t want to give you a scare

one day at a time taking it slow

hoping that this relationship will continue to grow

she talks about him

but doesn’t know my feelings within

how sickly it makes me feel

but i smile and laugh

god how i wish i could break this seal

she lies to her self about her situation

“i’m free to date n such” she says despite her infatuation

how might i know this you might ask

well she brings him up during regular conversation

chit chat, gibber gabber, and doing some small task

so why do i linger on this person

one can’t do much about the feelings that they have

they just spring up out of the blue

so say what you might, i still have some hope

and i might as well be also labeled some sort of dope

it would all be easier

if we didn’t have to go round about ways

it would even could cut the time in half

to months, weeks, maybe even days

cut to the chase with your emotions

it will alleviate this stupid commotion

if you like me, and i like you

lets do something

hang out, go to a movie

just us two

and if i like you and you dont like me

its easy to say it, just do it, can’t you see

yes feelings might be hurt

like i’m less then dirt

but thats how the game is played

the heart is just a muscle

a piece of meat to be filleted

we can continue to be each others friend

let those feeling i have dispend

it will take time yes

but i’ve done this before

and my heart, well it’s still sore

it takes time, picking it up off the floor

( ) I’ve Never Been Drunk

(x) I’ve Never Smoked Pot

( ) I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex

(x) I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

( ) I’ve Never trusted the opposite sex.

(x) I’ve Never Crashed A Friend’s Car

( ) Ive Never Been In A Taxi

( ) I’ve Never Been In Love

(x) I’ve Never Had Sex In Public

(x) I’ve Never Done Cocaine

(x) I’ve Never Been Fired

(x) I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse

( ) I’ve Never Snuck Out Of My Parent’s House

( ) I’ve Never Been Tied Up

( ) I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone

(x) I’ve Never Been Arrested

( ) I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger

( ) I’ve Never Stolen Something From My Job

( ) I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date

( ) I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher

(x) I’ve Never Been To Europe

(x) I’ve Never Skipped School

(x) I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker

(x) I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office

(x) I’ve Never Been Married

(x) I’ve Never Been Divorced

( ) I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week

( ) I’ve Never Posed Nude..

(x) I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them

(x) I’ve Never Killed Anyone

( ) I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner

(x) I’ve Never Eaten Sushi

(x) I’ve Never Had Sex At A Friend’s House While They Were Throwing A Party

(x) I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room

( ) I’ve Never Flashed Anyone.

( ) I’ve Never Met Anyone From Online.

( ) I’ve Never been hurt by the opposite sex

so less then a month after i launch the 2.0 i’m thinking about redesigning the site again. i think i went the simple way out with just going with black. it does make everything a hell of a lot easier to do when working with iframes and layout n such. i guess its just the color scheme that i dont like, well the black that is, i like the blue tones and how everything works, but since i did this site i found out a much better way to make the last layout of digi (see about). not saying that i’m going to go back to that layout, but i did kinda like it.

things might be in the works, well see…

A is for – Age: 25

B is for – Boyfriend/Girlfriend: not currently, hoping

C is for – Career in future: perhaps still retail / web design, but eventually working with mell at her store.

D is for – Dad’s name: Jeffery

E is for – Essential item to bring to a party: my camera most definitely

F is for – Favorite song at the moment: that new one by system of a down

G is for – Guy/Girls you’ve kissed: only girls, only really ment it a few times

H is for – Hometown: holyoke ma, longmeadow ma, holyoke ma,

I is for – Instruments you play: my cd player and winamp

J is for – Job title: assistant store manager

K is for – Kids: i like to think i’m still one

L is for – Living arrangement: eh with mom, wanting to get out.

M is for – Mom’s name: Shari

N is for – Number of people you’ve slept with: hmm like sleep or sex? cause there is a difference

O is for – Overnight hospital stays: dont know when i was a baby but i knew that was a few, but to current memory last i had a nice vaca there for 3 days 2 nights

P is for – Phobia[s]: sometimes heights, sometimes spiders, sometimes my feelings

Q is for – Quote you like: my own:

the choice is yours

its in your hand

cause i’m just a little grain

a tiny piece in all this sand

R is for – Relationship that lasted the longest: friendships or romantic

S is for – Sexual position: just one? aww man

T is for – Time you wake up: depends on what i have to do that day

U is for – Unique trait(s): my self, random pieces of somewhat useful information

V is for – Vegetable you love: peas and mashed potatoes

W is for – Worst habit: nail bitting?

X is for – X-rays you’ve had: ankle, teeth, knee i think too

Y is for – Yummy food you make: anything i make is yummy

Z is for – Zodiac sign: Aquarius

why is it that i put my self into these positions to get hurt? its not like i do it purposely its just that it just happens like that. i never just kinda like someone. if i happen to find someone who i’m attracted to for a g/f then one thing happens and then another and bam here i am with somewhat of a “kat” situation all of a sudden.

grr

something i should have posted yesterday but didn’t…

its amazing how one person can make you happy, afraid, scared, and a bunch of other emotions all in a blink of an eye. yeah well its amazing as i said.

so after trying to make plans for a while and to no avail, i tried a “so doing anything tonight?” and was able to get a dinner engagement. engagment, not a date, cause well i dont know if it was an official date in her book. but in mine, it was 🙂

she looked and smelled great. dinner was as well great in one of the restaurants Northampton has to offer, Spoleto. did a little walking around over to Faces, and then went to go get ice cream, but as usual it was backed so we opted not to.

that was the gist of the night with her, not to mention good conversation between us i thought. but yeah, dont know where this will go from here, i do have my hopes but i’m keeping them tied down, so they dont get to high, and come falling back to the ground heh.

why is it something new

reminds you of something old

that something new

a story that has yet to unfold

the music starts to play again

the familiar sound in your heart

do you want it to happen

will you make it start

the choice is yours

its in your hand

cause i’m just a little grain

a tiny piece in all this sand

the signals sent

are mysterious in nature

are we just friends

or can i date her

people who are depressed

people who get high

people who smile

people who want to die

people who are single

people who sit by the phone

people who mingle

people who are alone

people who are sad

people who are happy

people who are mad

people who are sappy

people who listen

people who see

people who have a mission

people who want to be

the thoughts in my head

stem from the loneliness of my bed

confused is the heart

it doesn’t know where to end or start

friends all around

some happiness could be found

it happened once before

and it was sworn never again no more

time went slow and fast

feelings have lingered into the past

someone new

came out of the blue

it was ended with a sigh

a quick two months went by

people came and went

but no effort was needed or spent

then someone new arrived

for so long i’ve been deprived

where will this go

i dont seem to be in the know

the time doesn’t seem right

i’ll just give in and probably loose another fight

these words have been said

from the thoughts in my head

things i’m sick of:

being lonely

being single

living at home

my mother being annoying

all of the shit in this house thats taking up space

and fucking internet/computers not working right, wtf

ok so the things that happened today so far:

got up early to take a shower before i get a hair cut

as i’m ready to leave, i some how cut my thumb and get blood on my jeans.

tried to get it out but didn’t really work, headed over to the mall

got my hair cut, went over to target to look at pants n such didn’t find anything

got home the gas and electric guys were at the house and were like we need to shut off the power.

someone (i won’t say names) forgot to pay the bill from nov 04! wtf

so i had to go to the bank get a bank check or what ever, and then go over to the gas and electric and pay the bill (1500.00)

get back home and put laundry in to do, and then thought duh, this needs power too (after i turned on about 5 lights and was like duh also)

so i was just about to jump into the shower and the power comes back on, nice huh but the bad thing is that it fried my ups for my computer (its a big battery back up thing) well it fried 1/2 of it. so now i have a power strip off the one side thats working and the stuff that was plugged into the non working side is in the powerstrip…

looks like i’m going to best buy some time today cause the stupid thing won’t stop blinking and making a annoying sound.

but the good things about today are:

day off

its a great day out

i’m hopefully going to hang out with a person that i’ve been wanting to hang with today

and yeah thats about it i think

a while ago i started a music blog, which was a list of the songs i heard as i was at the computer with my winamp going n such i’m thinking about redoing the site since i came up with a nifty screen name last night. no i don’t think i’ll switch to this new s/n but i’ll just add it to “screen names that i registered so i have them and no one else can” list 🙂

Vodka

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Groove Coverage – Poison

Your cruel device

Your blood, like ice

One look could kill

My pain, your thrill

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You’re poison running through my veins

You’re poison, I don’t want to break these chains

Your mouth, so hot

Your web, I’m caught

Your skin, so wet

Black lace on sweat

I hear you calling and it’s needles and pins (And pins)

I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Don’t want to touch you but you’re under my skin (Deep in)

I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison

You’re poison running through my veins

You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains

Poison

One look could kill

My pain, your thrill

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You’re poison running through my veins

You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains

Poison

I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah

I don’t want to break these chains

Poison, oh no

Runnin’ deep inside my veins,

Burnin’ deep inside my veins

It’s poison

I don’t wanna break these chains

Poison

you know i always find if funny how you find stuff when you’re surfing the web. you know how you click on one link and then another and another and suddenly you’re on a site or page that you dont know how you got to? well this happened to me today when i was looking at a friends web site, and i found something very interesting, so i took a screen shot of it.

it’s odd where your friend end up huh?

i was just thinking that, i like having the blog here, my live on line journal about me, my life and such. but a think that i kinda dont like is that i might have to start censoring my posts. censoring such as not saying such words as fuck, shit, cunt or the alike, but what i actually say/talk about. cause after all this is a public forum and people do read this. so unlike a private journal that you might keep hidden in your room under your mattress that no one reads, this does get read. the repercussions of which could be both positive and negative in nature. but me being, well me, i dont like the thought of the possible negative outcomes.

so i guess those things get to stay with the inner self, untill the outter self knows thats its ok to talk about it on here. perhaps in vague hidden ways but what ever, all i know is that things are looking ok for me right now, i must say.

wtf was that?

i hear this loud noise just a bit ago, in my room, sounding like its comming from the roof or something above or to the side of my room, and since its in the back corner of the house i have no clue what it was. at first i thought it was something in my mothers room but it wasn’t, so i go out side, in rain that just started and was looking around with my nice high powered flash light, and didn’t see anything on the roof or on the ground in the front of the house, and nothing in the back on the ground, couldn’t see the back of the house cause well there is still snow on the ground, i had my sandels on and its raining so oh well.

makes me wonder…