apparently aeropostale has something against Wyoming. I can see why they wouldn’t have stores in Alaska and Hawaii, but come on…
so what do you know, i was going to talk about tonight, how we went to the strip club to celebrate jays 21st b-day, and how i dont usualy go to strip clubs for a couple of reasons, but i went tonight. and during the night i thought of my ex kelly a couple of times. namely cause of the strippers on stage reminded me of her. not saying that she was trashy but body types n such. i was also going to talk about how i miss her, now i know thats crazy for me to say that, but its not. its not that i miss her persay its what we “had”. had as in what 2 people in a relation ship have. the closeness of each other to hold on to, the warmth, the security, the look in their eyes, and all of that. and i guess what leads me into some of the reasons why i dont like strip clubs besides its a waste of money (if you’re not the one on stage), its a world of false dreams. the girls who are cute, that just want your money as much as you might think that they have an insterest in you, they dont. its just whats in the pocket.
thus brings me to another thing, i dont like how i feel when i’m in a strip club is one of the main reasons i dont go. its not that its a sleazy atmosphere or anything, but its all of that falseness and what goes with it. i saw 2 girls who i found attractive as in date worthy (mind you by looks alone) and what was going through my mind as i saw them do all sorts of leg contortions and ass slappings and nipple pinchings, is who are they really, that is the person off the stage. what do they like to do, what are their hopes and dreams, and why did they get into stripping.
so back to my ex kelly, just as i was about to get ready to talk about tonight, i saw that she was on my buddy list. and she is like never on. but some how tonight i knew that i was going to talk to her (damn that 6th sense of mine) anyways, we chatted for a bit, and i was almost immediately let down by her saying that she is high, not a big surprise there, but she has a kid now and i’d hope that she be more responcible (more so then getting knocked up at 19 by the boyfriend after me) but anyways again, she told me that emma, (the baby) is just starting to crawl and that she has the most beautiful eyes, and since that gave me a flash back to when i’d just look into kellys eyes when i’d be tracing her body or her face or when i’d just hold her in my arms, i decided to be generous and tell her that, emma’s eyes must take after her mothers. that was the gist of the conversation with her, oh and how its late and she needs all the sleep that she can get, but she’ll be on tomorrow night n such and we can talk then. – i hope not
but back to this kelly type thing, i’m sick of being lonely i truly am. i haven’t had a girlfriend since her almost 2 years ago now, granted i’ve had some flings here and there, but nothing worth mentioning. and the people whom i’m interested in dont seem to know what they want. and that just makes things dandy in my department. and i get to the point with that to say just fuck it, but when you see this person almost every day for a couple hours its those little things that attracted me to her in the first place that keep that thought of her in my head… damn her eyes and smile.
and the people that do seem to have an interest in me, dont have the interest back towards them. eh thanks, but no thanks, not my type.
so tonight as i’m typing this, jay is most likely passed out due to a great 21 party, aaron and amy are getting things out of their system, and i’m here typing away recalling whats wrong with my life, and the alike.
speaking of whats wrong, one of my good friends kat, who i used to be very close with hasn’t gotten back to me after a bunch of calls to her and e-mails. this is kinda pissing me off, to say what the fuck, whats going on with that, and why hasn’t she called back… grr
so in general a good night tonight, had fun, got inebriated (dont know why but i love that word when i’v been drinking) got to reminisce about past things.
oh and this is for amy since she likes it when people talk about her, it makes her feel famous, that i’ve never seen any body rock leather pants like she did tonight, an ass spaning good time (for aarons hands only) 🙂
tonight starts my mini vaca… i dont have to go back to work untill wed. of next week. how sweet is that? things planed to do in no particular order:
– clean my room
– jay’s birthday party
– boston with mel
– finish cleaning my room
– relax
– have tons of fun
you know its a messed up world when you have shoes like show biz moms and dads where they have their little kids dressed up as adults and shown off like toys to some type of messed up beauty pageant. along those same lines, is “model galleries” of the same type of things. such as internet galleries of these kids posing as models, but the poses are such that they are the cute images we all see every sunday in the ads for say walmart, target, sears, toys r us, or any other type of store that uses kids to model their kid department of clothing and the alike. no these sites are more like your average adult model site, where everything has a double meaning in the shot. how so you might ask? well when you have 2 images, one of an adult model, and another of a child one and they both look exactly the same, same makeup same outfit and same amount of 95% of their body showing as well as most of their ass and in their panties thats fucked up, major fucked up.
anyways thats just pisses me off that there is these kind of things that pass off as art n such, and that shit isn’t art…
speaking of fucked up… try doing a google image search of “fucked up” see what you get.
wow talking about old friends. just got off the phone with one of my oldest friends. who is going to have a kid soon. crazy man. well one thing is definitely for sure, is that she is going to be a milf. hehe
well with my new toy i get to have custom wall paper on it and the alike… so where do i find these custom wall paper, on the internet of course (free mind ya) but there is one catch most or none of the images are at the right resolution for my phone. it is distorted or stretched in some way.
so after finding out what the screen resolution of my phone is i said fuck it and started to make my own wallpapers, and after 7 tries i got it right… stupid toolbars on the top and bottom of the phones display that aren’t transparent but i delt. so here is the wall paper i currently have an original work of art…
new toy
so i was thinking about site redesign once again, and was going through my (massive) collection of clip art/images and looking at them and i found an image from Neon Genesis Evangelion where Shinji (one of the kids) is sitting on a bench looking depressed and i thought wow that’d be a good image for the site.. then i thought well i dont want the site to have this depressing feeling about it, despite my current mood n such.
so thats my random thought for tonight
On tuesday i got my newest shipment from thinkgeek.com and what a great bunch of stuff i got this time. i do have to say that the ring thing is the sweetest thing i have ever bought from them… well that and some bawls so now here is the complete list of the things i have gotten from thinkgeek.com cause i’m sure you all care 🙂
Caffeine Candy Sampler v2.0
I’ll kick your ass…
MP3 – sticker
The ThinkGeek Monkey – Favorite Website
ThinkGeek ‘Best Of’ Caffeine Sampler v2.5
Will Work For Bandwidth – License Plate Holder – Black
Bawls Mints – High Caffeine Candy
Caffeine Hooded Sweatshirt – Denim
Fueled By BAWLS Tshirt – Black
Green Laser Pointer II – Silver
Smart Mass Thinking Putty – Alien Ooze
no one to talk to
no one calling my name
its starting to get to me
its starting to make me feel lame
its just not the same
being by ones self
there isn’t anyone to blame
just the name of the game
Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male |
|
You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you’re tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! |
the rain falls
as i sit here
i breathe in deeply
hoping that the smell will linger
the sound of drops falling
surrounded by fog and darkness
thats it no more
i saw the door
i went for it by my self
i did it for my health
i could see what you could not
its a good thing, my heart i still got
that i didn’t give it away
to you that other day
yes friends we still are
dont worry its a scratch, not a scar
just try not to keep bringing him up in conversation
as you did it during our date with out any hesitation
what are you thinking
what will you say
are you going to take me
or tell me to go away
myself i dont know
my thoughts they go to and fro
please tell me so i can figure things out
so there isn’t anything left, not even a little doubt
its not that i’m dwelling on this issue
nor should you, no one should be crying or need a tissue
its just that i feel like i should be moving on
so what is it, am i staying or get going and begone
i sit here thinking about relationships past
how they never got started, sputtered or just went to fast
i feel lonely being by my self
my heart is starting to ache from its declining health
she needs to make a choice
listen to that inner voice
let it tell you what path to follow
and not leave your heart cold and hollow
for it needs to be said
cause i no longer want to be led
my actions misconstrued
from my hears foggy view
let me know the decision
look deep in side your self for the vision
you know what is right
i won’t put up a fight
if the choice isn’t in my favor
i won’t need a savior
all i need is for you to continue to be my friend
nothing will change for us from now till the end
and what if the strings of fate are pulled towards my direction
you see the whole person, inside and out, silliness and imperfection
then i consider my self very lucky
happy, peachy keen, and just ducky
i might not know where to go from there
i wouldn’t want to give you a scare
one day at a time taking it slow
hoping that this relationship will continue to grow
she talks about him
but doesn’t know my feelings within
how sickly it makes me feel
but i smile and laugh
god how i wish i could break this seal
she lies to her self about her situation
“i’m free to date n such” she says despite her infatuation
how might i know this you might ask
well she brings him up during regular conversation
chit chat, gibber gabber, and doing some small task
so why do i linger on this person
one can’t do much about the feelings that they have
they just spring up out of the blue
so say what you might, i still have some hope
and i might as well be also labeled some sort of dope
it would all be easier
if we didn’t have to go round about ways
it would even could cut the time in half
to months, weeks, maybe even days
cut to the chase with your emotions
it will alleviate this stupid commotion
if you like me, and i like you
lets do something
hang out, go to a movie
just us two
and if i like you and you dont like me
its easy to say it, just do it, can’t you see
yes feelings might be hurt
like i’m less then dirt
but thats how the game is played
the heart is just a muscle
a piece of meat to be filleted
we can continue to be each others friend
let those feeling i have dispend
it will take time yes
but i’ve done this before
and my heart, well it’s still sore
it takes time, picking it up off the floor
( ) I’ve Never Been Drunk
(x) I’ve Never Smoked Pot
( ) I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
(x) I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
( ) I’ve Never trusted the opposite sex.
(x) I’ve Never Crashed A Friend’s Car
( ) Ive Never Been In A Taxi
( ) I’ve Never Been In Love
(x) I’ve Never Had Sex In Public
(x) I’ve Never Done Cocaine
(x) I’ve Never Been Fired
(x) I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse
( ) I’ve Never Snuck Out Of My Parent’s House
( ) I’ve Never Been Tied Up
( ) I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone
(x) I’ve Never Been Arrested
( ) I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger
( ) I’ve Never Stolen Something From My Job
( ) I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date
( ) I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher
(x) I’ve Never Been To Europe
(x) I’ve Never Skipped School
(x) I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker
(x) I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office
(x) I’ve Never Been Married
(x) I’ve Never Been Divorced
( ) I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week
( ) I’ve Never Posed Nude..
(x) I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them
(x) I’ve Never Killed Anyone
( ) I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner
(x) I’ve Never Eaten Sushi
(x) I’ve Never Had Sex At A Friend’s House While They Were Throwing A Party
(x) I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room
( ) I’ve Never Flashed Anyone.
( ) I’ve Never Met Anyone From Online.
( ) I’ve Never been hurt by the opposite sex
so less then a month after i launch the 2.0 i’m thinking about redesigning the site again. i think i went the simple way out with just going with black. it does make everything a hell of a lot easier to do when working with iframes and layout n such. i guess its just the color scheme that i dont like, well the black that is, i like the blue tones and how everything works, but since i did this site i found out a much better way to make the last layout of digi (see about). not saying that i’m going to go back to that layout, but i did kinda like it.
things might be in the works, well see…
A is for – Age: 25
B is for – Boyfriend/Girlfriend: not currently, hoping
C is for – Career in future: perhaps still retail / web design, but eventually working with mell at her store.
D is for – Dad’s name: Jeffery
E is for – Essential item to bring to a party: my camera most definitely
F is for – Favorite song at the moment: that new one by system of a down
G is for – Guy/Girls you’ve kissed: only girls, only really ment it a few times
H is for – Hometown: holyoke ma, longmeadow ma, holyoke ma,
I is for – Instruments you play: my cd player and winamp
J is for – Job title: assistant store manager
K is for – Kids: i like to think i’m still one
L is for – Living arrangement: eh with mom, wanting to get out.
M is for – Mom’s name: Shari
N is for – Number of people you’ve slept with: hmm like sleep or sex? cause there is a difference
O is for – Overnight hospital stays: dont know when i was a baby but i knew that was a few, but to current memory last i had a nice vaca there for 3 days 2 nights
P is for – Phobia[s]: sometimes heights, sometimes spiders, sometimes my feelings
Q is for – Quote you like: my own:
the choice is yours
its in your hand
cause i’m just a little grain
a tiny piece in all this sand
R is for – Relationship that lasted the longest: friendships or romantic
S is for – Sexual position: just one? aww man
T is for – Time you wake up: depends on what i have to do that day
U is for – Unique trait(s): my self, random pieces of somewhat useful information
V is for – Vegetable you love: peas and mashed potatoes
W is for – Worst habit: nail bitting?
X is for – X-rays you’ve had: ankle, teeth, knee i think too
Y is for – Yummy food you make: anything i make is yummy
Z is for – Zodiac sign: Aquarius
why is it that i put my self into these positions to get hurt? its not like i do it purposely its just that it just happens like that. i never just kinda like someone. if i happen to find someone who i’m attracted to for a g/f then one thing happens and then another and bam here i am with somewhat of a “kat” situation all of a sudden.
grr
something i should have posted yesterday but didn’t…
its amazing how one person can make you happy, afraid, scared, and a bunch of other emotions all in a blink of an eye. yeah well its amazing as i said.
so after trying to make plans for a while and to no avail, i tried a “so doing anything tonight?” and was able to get a dinner engagement. engagment, not a date, cause well i dont know if it was an official date in her book. but in mine, it was 🙂
she looked and smelled great. dinner was as well great in one of the restaurants Northampton has to offer, Spoleto. did a little walking around over to Faces, and then went to go get ice cream, but as usual it was backed so we opted not to.
that was the gist of the night with her, not to mention good conversation between us i thought. but yeah, dont know where this will go from here, i do have my hopes but i’m keeping them tied down, so they dont get to high, and come falling back to the ground heh.
why is it something new
reminds you of something old
that something new
a story that has yet to unfold
the music starts to play again
the familiar sound in your heart
do you want it to happen
will you make it start
the choice is yours
its in your hand
cause i’m just a little grain
a tiny piece in all this sand
the signals sent
are mysterious in nature
are we just friends
or can i date her
people who are depressed
people who get high
people who smile
people who want to die
people who are single
people who sit by the phone
people who mingle
people who are alone
people who are sad
people who are happy
people who are mad
people who are sappy
people who listen
people who see
people who have a mission
people who want to be
the thoughts in my head
stem from the loneliness of my bed
confused is the heart
it doesn’t know where to end or start
friends all around
some happiness could be found
it happened once before
and it was sworn never again no more
time went slow and fast
feelings have lingered into the past
someone new
came out of the blue
it was ended with a sigh
a quick two months went by
people came and went
but no effort was needed or spent
then someone new arrived
for so long i’ve been deprived
where will this go
i dont seem to be in the know
the time doesn’t seem right
i’ll just give in and probably loose another fight
these words have been said
from the thoughts in my head
things i’m sick of:
being lonely
being single
living at home
my mother being annoying
all of the shit in this house thats taking up space
and fucking internet/computers not working right, wtf
ok so the things that happened today so far:
got up early to take a shower before i get a hair cut
as i’m ready to leave, i some how cut my thumb and get blood on my jeans.
tried to get it out but didn’t really work, headed over to the mall
got my hair cut, went over to target to look at pants n such didn’t find anything
got home the gas and electric guys were at the house and were like we need to shut off the power.
someone (i won’t say names) forgot to pay the bill from nov 04! wtf
so i had to go to the bank get a bank check or what ever, and then go over to the gas and electric and pay the bill (1500.00)
get back home and put laundry in to do, and then thought duh, this needs power too (after i turned on about 5 lights and was like duh also)
so i was just about to jump into the shower and the power comes back on, nice huh but the bad thing is that it fried my ups for my computer (its a big battery back up thing) well it fried 1/2 of it. so now i have a power strip off the one side thats working and the stuff that was plugged into the non working side is in the powerstrip…
looks like i’m going to best buy some time today cause the stupid thing won’t stop blinking and making a annoying sound.
but the good things about today are:
day off
its a great day out
i’m hopefully going to hang out with a person that i’ve been wanting to hang with today
and yeah thats about it i think
a while ago i started a music blog, which was a list of the songs i heard as i was at the computer with my winamp going n such i’m thinking about redoing the site since i came up with a nifty screen name last night. no i don’t think i’ll switch to this new s/n but i’ll just add it to “screen names that i registered so i have them and no one else can” list 🙂
Vodka
?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Groove Coverage – Poison
Your cruel device
Your blood, like ice
One look could kill
My pain, your thrill
I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t want to break these chains
Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I’m caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace on sweat
I hear you calling and it’s needles and pins (And pins)
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don’t want to touch you but you’re under my skin (Deep in)
I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains
Poison
One look could kill
My pain, your thrill
I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t wanna break these chains
Poison
I want to love you but I better not touch (Don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah
I don’t want to break these chains
Poison, oh no
Runnin’ deep inside my veins,
Burnin’ deep inside my veins
It’s poison
I don’t wanna break these chains
Poison
you know i always find if funny how you find stuff when you’re surfing the web. you know how you click on one link and then another and another and suddenly you’re on a site or page that you dont know how you got to? well this happened to me today when i was looking at a friends web site, and i found something very interesting, so i took a screen shot of it.
it’s odd where your friend end up huh?
i was just thinking that, i like having the blog here, my live on line journal about me, my life and such. but a think that i kinda dont like is that i might have to start censoring my posts. censoring such as not saying such words as fuck, shit, cunt or the alike, but what i actually say/talk about. cause after all this is a public forum and people do read this. so unlike a private journal that you might keep hidden in your room under your mattress that no one reads, this does get read. the repercussions of which could be both positive and negative in nature. but me being, well me, i dont like the thought of the possible negative outcomes.
so i guess those things get to stay with the inner self, untill the outter self knows thats its ok to talk about it on here. perhaps in vague hidden ways but what ever, all i know is that things are looking ok for me right now, i must say.
wtf was that?
i hear this loud noise just a bit ago, in my room, sounding like its comming from the roof or something above or to the side of my room, and since its in the back corner of the house i have no clue what it was. at first i thought it was something in my mothers room but it wasn’t, so i go out side, in rain that just started and was looking around with my nice high powered flash light, and didn’t see anything on the roof or on the ground in the front of the house, and nothing in the back on the ground, couldn’t see the back of the house cause well there is still snow on the ground, i had my sandels on and its raining so oh well.
makes me wonder…
things i hate: in no order
being bored
having nothing to do
being lonely
vehix commercials
annoying people
having a good dream, and not being able to remember it
being thirsty
video games where you have no clue what to do
web sites you visit that are down due to some error or server upgrade
spam
my room the way it currently is
having to wait for warm weather when i want it
different browsers that display the same web page in different ways
fat on steaks
streaming music stations that play the same thing over and over
people who just stop comunicating with you randomly for no reason
being to hot to wear my comfy hoodies
trying to think of more stuff i hate
well after staying up all night finishing the web site i finally uploaded it to the server and made it live.
so please tell me what you think, and if there is anything wrong with it, such as broken links/images/page views just send me a e-mail
thanks all and let the posting begin
i’m a dork, yes i know
launching blindsyntax 2.0!
Welcome to blindsyntax 2.0
just so you know that i am working on the site
here is a thought:
i need a laptop
why?
so i can take a crap and work on the web site at the same time.
im so lonley and stress out i need to take a break and get laid.
i miss chris alot..=(
BLAHHHHA balhah alskhlaknlsnlABLSJDLA blahhhhh
by the roll of the dice
things happen by chance
you never know what might be
or what might not be
you only see what you see
not those other things that are hiding
it seems that for some reason
those bad things come to good people
who are nice and shining
ya know, it erks me that when people say you’ll get to gether, or like they’ll call you n such, and then dont, and then never do… its just a pain in the ass, let me tell ya. oh well i know she doesn’t mean it but jesus its bothersome
ok so here’s a little ranting about a few stupid people in my photo class…
first off the waste of space(which will remain nameless) actually there are 2 of them. they show up to class with no work to do.. no work to show and then complain that class was just a waste of their time. one of them drives almost 2 hours just to sit on a stool in the lab and do nothing. why would you pay money to go to schoool and not even put any effort into class?? i mean THIS IS YOUR FUCKING MAJOR!! if you want to be lazy get a degree by doing nothing then switch your major to business. its peopel like you that make art majors look bad. next off there is the COMPLETE idiot. i cant even begin to describe her. lets just say that if she starts a conversation with you that begins with”can i ask you a question?” RUN! because there is no possible way that you can answer her and have it seep into her brain. she somehow made it to photo 6 with out ever developing a roll of film on her own and then makes intelagent little coments like ” is everyone switching to digital because they dont want to develop film anymore??”
im really starting to get agrivated with these peopel because our senior show is comming up and i dont want their work bringing the rest of ours down. just this morning we were brainstorming ideas for a title of the show and one of them suggested “Gort, Klaatu Barada Niktu” which is the secreat message that stopped the aliens from destroying the earth in the movie the day the earth stood still………….WHAT… the …FUCK.. are yoou kidding me???? she actually thought in her brain that that was a good title for a senior photo show??!!! i mean i understand that she not on the same page as the rest of us but im seriously doubting that shes even on the same planet. im just glad that our professors are finally getting on there case. next week we have a min of 4 prints due for critique and my professor told them they needed 10.hahah. i didnt think some of them would pass last semester.. and they really shouldnt have, hopefully this semester will be different im sick of teachers being to easy on everyone.i mean there is at least one person in my class that shouldnt have passed photo 3 but did and now shes in photo 6 and doesnt know the basics.. you cant really blame the student for that. even our crits are wayyy too nice i dont think i got a real critique at all last semester. i m sick of peopel giving good crits because they are scared someone is gonna shit all over their stuff. >:0 <-- thats my angry face on a lighter note ive been addicted to pete yorn for the past few months.. its good stuff but it gets stuck in your head which really isnt a bad thing. you should go get both his cd’s because i told you to.GO.
you’ve been meaning to redo the site since you designed it the first time. stop giving us false hope! all 3 of us.
well i had a shitty 24th birthday…
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