the blog archives of blindsyntax.com

lonely in my bed

the blankets are the one i hold

she’s missing from my side

the single slumber

Its been a while since I talked about one of my favorite things that keep me going, something I could never do with out, and that’s my bawls. hehe

Birthday Calculator

You entered: 2/5/1980

Your date of conception was on or about 15 May 1979.

(This isn’t true cause I should have been born in late December or Jan 1st, not Feb 5th)

You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Aquarius.
Your Life path number is 7.

The Life Path Number
The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.A Life Path 7 person is a peaceful and affectionate soul, and by nature rather reserved and analytical. The overwhelming strength of the number 7 is reflected in the depth of thinking that is shown; you will garner knowledge from practically every source that you find. Intellectual, scientific and studious, you don’t accept a premise until you have dissected the subject and arrived at you own independent conclusion. This is a very spiritual number and it often denotes a sort of spiritual wisdom that becomes apparent at a fairly early age. You need a good deal of quiet time to be with your own inner thoughts and dreams. You dislike crowds, noise and confusion. You are very thorough and complete in your work, the perfectionist who expects everyone else to be a meet a high standard of performance, too. You evaluate situations very quickly and with amazing accuracy. You rely heavily on your experiences and your intuition, rather than accepting advice from someone; your hunches usually prove to be very accurate, and knowing this, you are one who tends to follow the directions they seem to guide. It’s easy for you to detect deception and recognize insincere people. You aren’t one to have a wide circle of friends, but once you accept someone as a friend, it’s for life. You really aren’t a very social person, and your reserve is often taken to be aloofness. Actually, it’s not that at all, but merely a cover up for your basic feeling of insecurity. You actually like being alone, away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. In many ways, you would have fit in better in much earlier times when the pace of life was less hectic.In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration and because there is such a negative attitude. The negative 7 is very selfish and spoiled. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or in some way is not being fairly treated. Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444274.5.

Julian date:
The number of days since noon 4713 BC January 1.

The golden number for 1980 is 5.

Golden Number:
A number showing the year of the lunar or Metonic cycle. It is reckoned from 1 to 19, and is so called from having formerly been written in the calendar in gold.

The epact number for 1980 is 13.

Epact Number:
The moon’s age at the beginning of the calendar year, or the number of days by which the last new moon has preceded the beginning of the year.

The year 1980 was a leap year.As of 10/14/2005 1:02:12 AM CDT
You are 25 years old.
You are 308 months old.
You are 1,340 weeks old.
You are 9,383 days old.
You are 225,193 hours old.
You are 13,511,582 minutes old.
You are 810,694,932 seconds old.

There are 114 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 26 candles
Those 26 candles produce 26 BTU’s, or 6,552 calories of heat (that’s only 6.5520 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.97 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1980 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1980 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1980 in the US there were 2,406,708 marriages (10.6%) and 1,182,000 divorces (5.2%)
In 1980 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
Your birthstone is Amethyst

The Mystical properties of Amethyst
Amethyst is used to increase spiritually

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources) Bloodstone, Onyx, Moonstone

Your birth tree is

Poplar, the Uncertainty
Looks very decorative, no self-confident behaviour, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.

There are 72 days till Christmas 2005!The moon’s phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

Tuesday, February 5, 1980
Moon’s age (days): 18
Distance (Earth radii): 63.73
Percent Illumination 81.41%
Ecliptic latitude (degrees): 2.95
Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 183.28

What Your Name Means

You entered: seth       hirsch

There are 15 letters in your name.
Those 15 letters total to 73
There are 4 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions. Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.The negative attributes of the 1 Expression are egotism and a self-centered approach to life. This is an aggressive number and if it is over-emphasized it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means:
With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flare for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you’re a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 3

An Inner Dream number of 3 means:
You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.

I usually love the sound of the rain, especially heavy rain like tonight. I sometimes wish I had a tin roof so the rain could be heard off that as well. (not rusted for you b-52 people), but not tonight. tonight as I lay in my bed with my window open the rain coming down, I don’t lay there content, peaceful or something to that affect. No, tonight I lay there lonely wanting to be held or holding someone in my arms. Someone who I care about and in turn she cares about me. And for a while now I don’t have any one person in mind that I’d like to do that with. Sure there is the thoughts of yeah that would be nice, but in my life time I’ve had to many of those thoughts. Perhaps cause I’m more of a realists to my own life and things, but I have that wish that hey if I take that chance then something might come from it, always hoping something good, but usually what happens isn’t that type good I was looking for, but its always good to have more good friends then none at all in the end.

Hugs to all of my good friends, you know who you are.

hey people, got some questions about the site for you, and please everyone who visits this site comment on this one.

– do you like the site better or worse then before, and why
– do you mind the comment link being bold, or should i hack my css to fix that
– should i add more graphics to the site, and if so what type
– should there be another section on here that isn’t, if so what?

and anything else you would like to comment about the site, now or past too

wow what another great night tonight, or even today was.

i got to hang out with my old and dear friend kat to start the afternoon, went to see the dogs and cats at an animal shelter over in springfield, then went to the olive garden had a late lunch/early supper, then on the way back stopped at the salvation army looked at some things, saw this very cool wicker corner chair that is curved and goes up and then over you so its like a little hut or something, very cool, but it came with the set,and that wasn’t that cool at all. then i came home.

oh so i found out today that the car got totaled hence the previous post, and my g-mom is acting like a “old lady” and doesn’t want me to be driving her car sine she thinks i dont have insurance anymore… and i do, i called up my local guy, and ways, looks like i get to drive the mustang now for a lil while and mom gets to drive my g-moms sable to work… i’m going to need a new car fast good thing i have sunday off… going to test drive all day to look at the cars, and even some used ones perhaps… i drove amys 02 maxima, and that was very nice.

speaking of amy… took the mustang out tonight to amherst, in the rain (and i hate driving it in anything other then dry roads) over to her friend lo’s place, and she’s a friend of mine too, from there went to the liqueur 44, got some red bull and some nips, back to lo’s place with my soco and did some pre-gaming. from there we went to the usual mc-merfs, did some more drinking, talking, met up with jen, did a lil dancing, and such, took tons of pics, and a couple vids.. that i might have up here on the site, have to ok it with the girls… then went to the dinner had some orgasmic food and then we went home.

i love the sound of rain, esp heavy rain like its doing right now, and its warm and humid out as well… perfect for sex in the rain, still on my “to do list”. but in closing i’ll leave a few things that were spoken tonight:

“hey stripper”
“i’m a stripper?”
“boob shirts”
“we’re drinking like we’re 15”
“my toes are naked”
“oh i didn’t know it was you with out the hat”
“her but, just undid your belt!”
“cleavage tossing” correction, “cleave ball”
“i know now why it would be fun to be in a meeting room with you”
“bugger-riffic”
“bugger-tastic”
“love-ya”

ok, as of now i’m looking for a new place to live in the very near future. i’m also looking to get a new car, that is new new, or almost new in the very very near furture.

anyone got any suggestions or advise?

hey check out the new site, its been done for a while now, just needed to fix the comments so they can play peek-a-boo with you, so i fixed that tonight, after the 2 people (that i know of) read this site saying that i haven’t been updating that much, (and i haven’t this past month more about that in a sec) and that they need this site to keep them going for their daily lives and wellbeing.

this past month has been crazy, going out almost all the time with people from work, the sexy girls at aero, and their sexy friends, you know who you are. also my car got hit t-bone style right into the back right side wheel. and i’m waiting for the ins co to get back to me on fri to see if i get a new car or what.

a part of this new ver of the site is going to be image galleries, i have my old ones (newly redone) still but thinking about adding ones from going out n such, but hosting them on my server like the site is… not something like webshots or that..even though that might be easier to deal with.. but then again i dont get the fun of making the galleries (or gallys) and resizing all the images. perhaps i’ll even add a photo blog here, its an evolving site, changing, growing, becoming older,

heh if you think about it “the site” is in its 5th form, whats this you might say?, well when it all started, i had my first web site on geocities back in the day, then i got my .com and started up digi, so thats form 2, and then i tossed that .com and got this one blindsyntax, and now we are at v3. kinda like some type of DBZ guy, like Freeza, or Goku, hehe next ver i should call it blindsyntax super sayin edition.

…or something

ok last post for 2.0… when i was moving some things around, i had 2 tabs open one with the template for 2.0 and one for 3.0, i thought the new template i pasted, and then uploaded with out viewing was for 3.0… but it wasn’t.

2.0 then had my default test file i used when i was first putting together the site… with no blogger code, just bloger output ie. html in the form of posts/comments, so i backhacked 3.0’s blogger code, put it into 2.0 and got all the posts back. but not the comments, perhaps i’ll feel like playing around with the comment code, but prob not… not like there was that many or too important comments to be saved… and not like they aren’t there… just not accesable

on to 3.0

every one gets even a little jealous some times, it just depends on what the situation is. and then how they react to it. and its funny how it makes them feal like crap some times too

i hate it when bad things happen to people you care very much about.

now i should really be in bed right now, or as soon as i got home but i’m not. i just have a couple things on my mind tonight.

first off went out with the girls from work again, namely Jen and Amy and and a good time. we ran into this girl that amy is trying to hook me up with but as things have turned out the last 2 times we were at the same place at the same time there was another guy, whom she knew or something to that sort, so who am i to interrupt that… and besides the bar seen isn’t exactly my thing to try to talk to people/meet people i dunno. maybe cause there are way to many people in there at the same time.

we had tons and tons of pics taken of all of us, digital cams are fun toys let me tell ya. well all of you (the 3 that read this, and one whom i know out of the 3 for sure) know all ready.

we went back to jens and this guy and that girl amy was trying to hook me up with (whom she was talking to all night at the bar with) were on the coutch together so i went into the other room with amy and was hanging out where and some other people and jen, and let me tell you, that cuddling that that i’ve been wanting felt fucking nice tonight, just chilling with amy resting on her legs up on top of the futon me resting against her legs and jen across the futon and her head on my chest/lap got some good pics of it, good times good times.

on the flip side of that… things that i’m thinking of that aren’t making feel too nifty:

– nights like this remind me of spending time with kat in boston, or just kat in general, i miss her

– will i ever get the girl? it’s still bothers me a bit every now and then when jen talks about her exs or how she’s waiting for her ex to come back from the military in front of me… wtf she knew how i felt, doesn’t she might think that it could maybe bother me just a bit? or at least by my reactions how i totally lose interest in what she is saying and do something else? and this other girl erika, she has energy let me tell ya, kinda reminds me of kat… come to think of it all of the girls that i’ve had interests in (this last one eh so so ) but all of them have the same type of “energy” in one way or another, robin, kat, jen… and we know how all that went down…

but in all and all, i have good friends, so its not that bad. sure i’m lonely as fuck, always “the nice guy” but not the nice guy that someone want to be their boyfriend. its just funny how people tell me about these guys that they are with and they are treated like shit by them one way or other, and i’m thinking to my self, whats wrong with these guys, why fucking cheat on your girlfriend and then still keep it going.. if things aren’t working out end it, talk about it, but dont fucking do something like that, its like slapping someone in the face. no respect for her, or the relationship. and a bunch of other shit that i can’t figure out why peope do that shit.

i’d just like it, if a girl would “take the lead” as it were and be like hey i like you (and god willing she is cute and i like in return, and not a moped hehe) and just get the bullshit out of the way, like one of my writings said it just makes everything so damn easier.

i was just wondering…

whats it like to hold someone in your arms that cares about you

whats it like to cuddle with someone

whats it like to feel special

whats it like to feel lucky

whats it like to feel wanted

whats it like to be wanted

whats it like to be lucky

whats it like to be special

i was just wondering…

…cause i forgot

time to vent:

i’m going to start a new tv show,

its going to be called the ‘worlds biggest bitch’

and its going to be staring, my mom

the home channel, tlc, or like any of the other tv networks that like to do reality tv shows or the alike should do something like the worlds most dumb stupid fucked up bitchy mother, and just follow my mom around and tape her… that might be interesting, it will be like american choppers with the dad and son allways fighting around the bikes, but here it would be me and her fitting around all her shit that she never does anything with.

she wants to clean the house she says and complains to me that the house isn’t good. ok fine i do my shit and boom its clean, all her shit is still the same, or she’ll do little things that doesn’t do shit for the rest, case in point her office, that litterly has a semi trail from the door to the computer and thats fucking it, there is space around the keyboard but not much for typing but on both sides there are hills and mounds of shit, just random stuff all over the pace oh and dont forget the big ass trash barrel that is in her office, cause the little one just was too much of a bother to keep on emptying with all the food shit she brings up there. next thing she would possibly clean is her room, yeah like anyone sees that. next would be the bathroom, joy she put her shit away.. wow that is untill the next morning when she has to get ready for work…

and the best thing was today, didn’t do shit to the basement cause perhaps get rid of that shit down there.. and we can put some other shit from up stairs down there.. but no, she goes and fucking takes off the pain of the hand rail out side of the front door and then is going to repaint it at some point… wtf?

oh btw i did the kitchen today the part of it that might stay that way and the rest is her shit… i need to fucking get out of here, anyone want a room mate?

i dont want to be home

i dont want to be lonely

i dont want to be by my self

i dont want to live here any more

i dont want to be single any more

i dont want to be the only one in my bed

i dont want to feel this way any more

i dont want to feel out ranked

i dont want to feel out of place

i dont want to be in last place

i dont want to be the friend any more

i dont want to be that great guy

i dont want any of it,

im sick of it all

for a relationship to be a good one, there will be some pros and cons with in that but to use the term its self, its a relation between the 2 things, the good and the bad that make the whole

i was cleaning my room today and found a lil collection of fortunes, from fortune cookies. they are as follows in no particular order:

Be most affectionate today

lucky numbers 10, 20, 25, 34, 40, 45

Don’t be afraid to take that big step

lucky numbers 12, 17, 19, 33, 36, 38

You may attend a party where strange customs prevail

lucky numbers 6, 14, 17, 19, 22, 25

Passionate new romances appears in your life when you least expect it

lucky numbers 17, 27, 24, 25, 32, 38

You will soon discover how truly fortunate you really are

lucky numbers 21, 43, 5, 36, 17, 6

Smile to others, honesty and friendship bring you fortune

lucky numbers 39, 42, 17, 2, 28, 30

Your mind is filled with new ideas

lucky numbers 23, 14, 38, 47, 22, 6

You are heading in the right direction

daily numbers 7 6 0

lotto six numbers 13 29 38 44 3 8

Have a beautiful day

daily numbers 0 7 9

lotto six numbers 31 3 46 44 12 37

You are a person of culture

daily numbers 9 2 9

lotto six numbers 13 20 43 31 39 1

Listen not to vain words of empty tongue

daily numbers 9 3 7

lotto six numbers 38 19 15 24 4 5

Your exotic ideas lead you to many exciting new adventures!

i need to get drunk like that more often i think…

hey ip68-14-156-56.ri.ri.cox.net who are you and why do you come to my site so damn often?

01. First grade teacher’s name:hell if i remember

02. Last words you said: want some water? (to my cat)

-03. blank

04. Last person you hugged:um amber a while ago i belive

05. Last thing you laughed at:amy
06. Last time you said “I dont remember”: tonight when asked where something was

07. Last time you cried:cried, prob a year ago, teary um a couple months ago?

08. What are you wearing? under shirt, pj shorts
09. What color socks are you wearing: none
10. What’s under your bed: big framed black and white photographs and dust
11. What time did you wake up today: firs time 7.10 then up for a while and then back to bed to get up at 11.50

12. Current taste: water

13. Current hair: blackish and short

14. Current love: wish i had one that would love back

15. Current annoyance: customers

16. Current longing: to be with someone

17. Current desktop background: flcl

18. Current worry: not so much a worry, but when will i find someone

19. Current hate: living at home

20. Current favorite article of clothing: my think aero cargo shorts from 2 years ago they rock!

21. Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: smile, eyes, laugh

22. Last CD that you listened to: Neon Genesis Evangelion Symphony OST CD 1 and 2

23. Favorite place to be: in the arms of someone who wants to be with me (been way to long)

24. Least favorite place: dentist? or anyplace i’m not having fun

25. Time you wake up in the morning: when ever i need to get up or wake up

26. If you could play pink and pink: wtf is pink and pink…

28. Do you believe in an afterlife?: perhaps

29. How tall are you: 5’8

30. Current favorite word/saying: “thank you, and goodnight!”

31. Favorite book: um… the F Word

32. Favorite season: summer, but not when its fucking humid out

33. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to:my self at least once every year, or perhaps Robin

34. One person from your past that you wish to never see again:um i dont know

35. Do you go to a college or a university: been there done that

36. What is your career going to be like: i’m going to have another… then porn star

37. How many kids do you want? at least 1

*HAVE YOU EVER…*

38. Had a pet that you killed? no

39. Said “I love you” and meant it: yea

40. Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc:wtf is this mortal combat?

41. Been to New York: y

42. Been to Florida: n

43. Been to California: y

44. Been to Hawaii: n

45. Been to Mexico: n

46. Been to China: n

47. Have you ever met anyone off the net?: y

48. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?: yeah or soon after

49. Had sex with a friend?: none who were friends first

50. Had sex with an ex’s friend: no

51. Went out with someone and regretted it?: hahaha i think everone would tell me yes

*RANDOM*

52. Do you have a crush on someone: used to, and it still bothers me a bit

53. What book are you reading now?: this stupid thing

54. Worst feeling in the world: loneliness

55. What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: if the alarm wakes me up, then to shut that damn thing off, if not then what time is it

56. How many rings before you answer: as soon as i see who it is

57. Future daughter’s name: i knew this at one point but i forgot

58. Future son’s name: i knew this at one point but i forgot

59. What do you sleep with: fans, by me self

60. Favorite TV show: Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and a bunch others

61. Wish were here: no comment

62. Tattoos: yeah mom would kill me, not that matters any but none

63. Piercings: thought about one very seriously at one time but none

*THE EXTRA STUFF*

64. Do you do drugs: mmmmmmm drugs… no

65. Do you drink: mmmmm drinking… yes

66. What toothpaste do you use?: um crest white i think

67. What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner: shampoo, redken for men, conditioner none

68. What are you most scared of: a couple of things

69. What clothes do you sleep in: my boxerbriefs and undershirt

70. Who is the last person that called you: mel left me a voice mail

71. Where do you want to get married: um a forest?

72. If you could change anything about yourself what would that be? a couple of things but then i wouldn’t be my self so this question would be void

73. Who do you really hate: hmm not many but yeah gw jr is a dumbass

74. Been In Love: Yes

75. On time or always late: depends usually early

76. Do you have a job: had one since i looked for one

77. Do you like being around people: y

78. Best feeling in the world: being wanted

79. Do you have any stuffed animals: yeah in the house somewhere from back in the day

80. Are you a health freak: n

81. Do you have a “Type” of person you always go after: many types

82. Do you want someone you don’t have?:wtf?

83. Are you lonely right now: yea

84. Ever afraid you’ll never get married: only a tiny bit

85. Do you want to get married: sure

86. Do you want kids?: y

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU…*

87. Cried:n

88. Bought Something: y

89. Gotten Sick: n

90. Sang: y

91. Said I Love You: n

93. Met Someone: ? out side of work no

94. Moved On: wtf? n

95. Talked To Someone: again wtf.

96. Had A Serious Talk: n

97. Missed Someone: y

98. Hugged Someone: n

99. Yelled at Someone: n

100. Kissed someone: n

101. Had sex?: … n

hey have i ever talked about how my mom is a fucking stupid bitch?

oh only like a 1000 times?

yeah i thought so…

well a not so little post for tonight:

i got my car new license plates and inspected today after its been expired since jan 2004, yeah i know i rock :). the reason for the plates is cause one fell off some where and in order for an inspection you need 2 in mass…

also today i was in a very good mood from all the great car stuff that went well, had some yummy chicken sandwich from panara for lunch and things were going well.. that is till jen did one of the 51 things that girls dont know about guys, (the one that i made up my self) “don’t talk about another guy that has an interest in you or how you have an interest in another guy when in the presence of a guy whom you know likes or liked you”. in other words dont say how an actual cute guy hit in you when i’m standing right next to you engaged in the same convo with you and another person…and after the other person replied with did you get his number i removed my self from the situation upon further emotional damage…that shot the good vibe for the most part down to about 15% but i was about to bring it up to around 35% by the end of the night.

oh and i’m prob going to be doing a site redesign very soon i have a layout that like but i’m going to be modding it from what i have now… now this isn’t a guarantee of anything soon… who knows i just might get in the mood tomorrow or something and do it all in one fast swoop. and i might be apt to do it tonight too, that is if i didn’t have to be at work at 9 in the morning and when i’m going to be going to bed prob around 2.30am after watching battelstar on sci-fi (sweet show btw and starbuck (who is a chick in the new ver) is fucking hot!)

sometimes i feel as if my life is mimicking an anime series

about a boy and girls whom he knows and the relationships around them

perhaps life isn’t mimicking anime

perhaps its just anime mimicking life

the one i’m living

from an e-mail i got that i found particularly true

things about guys that girls DONT know:

Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they’re gonna say so there aren’t awkward pauses, but once he’s on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they’re goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-
how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…nevermind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

Girls are guys’ weaknesses.

Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

Try to be as straightforward as possible.

A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be mature and grown up.

If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.

If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.

When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.

Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

And you know that “existence of God” thing that I had trouble understanding before?

I think I’m starting to understand it now.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s a concept that’s similar to a zero in mathematics.

In other words, it’s a symbol that denies the absence of meaning,

the meaning that’s necessitated by the delineation of one system from another.

In analog, thats God,

in digital its zero.

it sucks when your pet gets sick

it sucks even more when he doesn’t like it when you try to help him

it sucks even more then that when you know things aren’t good

but you hope for the best, do what you can, and see where that takes you.

_TRANSPORT:47 by optica

We all live in a world of interconnection…

a world of continuous dynamicism…

a world of perpetual and neverending information transport.

In order for our socitey to thrive, we must communicate.

New ideas, concepts, and feelings all transverse the globe daily – eventually reaching a recipient who will then be given the gift of understanding.

Comprehension. Oppourtunity.

Not only does information travel, but we must travel. Often, to communicate, we must transverse long distances ourselves, playing the very roll of information itself.

We are the signal.

The roads are our wires.

To me beauty is not soley in the form that lies in front of you, but the roll it plays in the ultimate and ever shifting schematic of reality. “

so i got a fortune cookie the other day with the message “A life long friend, shall soon be made.” and my question to that is, who is this going to be. a girl or a guy, and if its a girl then is this going to be the love of my life or just another female friend to add to my long list.

a little something else for me to think about i guess… like tonight how nice of a night it is, and i thought i might go for a walk around the block or something, but then i thought i’d be nice if i had someone to do that with, to hold has with as we walked… and then i closed the door and went up to my room to write this..

i’m just sick of this, what ever “this” is. the “this” that people have been looking for ever since they discovered “it”. i’m also bothered by not having a lot of friends, now i dont know if i’d want an over abundant amount. but more then the ones i have now. perhaps more local ones. i dunno… i love the few close friends i have, and its less then i can cound on one hand (yes i have all my fingers heh). i’m just annoyed with things how they are now. and most of all i’m sick of my mother.

a repost from april 9th, followed by something new

————————

the thoughts in my head

stem from the loneliness of my bed

confused is the heart

it doesn’t know where to end or start

friends all around

some happiness could be found

it happened once before

and it was sworn never again no more

time went slow and fast

feelings have lingered into the past

someone new

came out of the blue

it was ended with a sigh

a quick two months went by

people came and went

but no effort was needed or spent

then someone new arrived

for so long i’ve been deprived

where will this go

i dont seem to be in the know

the time doesn’t seem right

i’ll just give in and probably loose another fight

these words have been said

from the thoughts in my head

—————————-

well I didn’t give in

I stood up and gave it a shot

I didn’t lose nor did I win

a relationship I didn’t get but a friend I still got

those words in my head

the thoughts that I’ve said

the key to my protection

a missed vote for the election

another experienced gained

another lesson learned

reasons were explained

a new direction turned

happiness comes in many forms

and sometimes you don’t get them in the norms

loneliness also comes and goes

and that’s all right too I suppose

but in the end everything works out

it’s part of life to find what it’s all about

why is it that the older people get the stupider, and more annoying they become. isn’t all that knowledge and experience that they have acquired over the years supposed to account for something? for instance how the fuck do you not know how air flow in a room works? not even knowing what intake and out-take refers to.

this is only part of the hell that i have to deal with every day living with my mother.

please help

Journey

DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’

Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world

She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit

He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

A singer in a smokey room

A smell of wine and cheap perfume

For a smile they can share the night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching in the night

Streetlight people, living just to find emotion

Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,

everybody wants a thrill

Payin’ anything to roll the dice,

just one more time

Some will win, some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

(chorus)

Don’t stop believin’

Hold on to the feelin’

Streetlight people”

so it is done

I’ve given her my key

my protection is gone

the package has been sent

all she has to do is open it

with the key she can unlock

my heart and emotions lay inside

afraid of what might happen

with the knowledge that will be gained

will it make things different between us

or will it stay the same

if things go in a different direction

where will that take us

with it make us closer

or make us farther apart

for I am a lonely person

wanting to be with her

to have that protection

given by her

and in return

I’ll give her anything

I’ll give her the space

I’ll give her everything

trust is a hard thing to give

but you have to take a chance

to see what might come of it

what will happen and what won’t

love on the other hand

is so easy to give

but to take it back

is so very hard

I’ll treat you right

do you no wrongs

talk to you about what’s going on

and anything that’s on your mind

I’ve been told I’m not like most guys

and I like to believe that it’s true

but that hasn’t helped me much in the past

and now I hope that it might start to pay off

for I know your needs

and I know you know mine

I won’t be like the others

I’ll be yours, and could you be mine

they say let things happen

but they don’t happen unless something happens

something happens to start or end something else

have it be the first acknowledgment that you like someone

or have it be the “good” bye during a break up when it isn’t good at all

letting things happen works out great in theory

it works out great in the movies and in stories

it even sometimes works out in life

or at least we hope it to

but how do people go about things

in a indirect way to let that thing happen

when you are letting that thing happen between you and another person

they are doing direct things to indirectly make something else happen

it’s a messed up kind of thing

but its the way that life takes you

from hills and valleys

to the highest peeks, and the lowest lows

but in all it is a good thing

even if it seems like a bad thing

when it ends it seems like the worst thing in the world

but after that everything starts anew

it is another chance at something else

another path in the woods a new direction to go in

the past is behind you and you can’t turn around

time pushes you forward towards that something new

and when you move forward

things come to pass you by

take a chance to look around

you never know what might happen if you let it

i’m scared of what will be

afraid of what’s going on with me

alone by my self with out her company

wanting her by my side

with her I wish to confide

together we can be each others guide

the space she wants I’ll give her

and with that I won’t deter

just hoping for a relationship to occur

my hopes wishes and dreams

just a foggy view it seems

hoping this work isn’t in extremes

the lonely breeze enters

this thing called love, who were the inventors

tell me so they can be my mentors

I AM A DORK, I AM A NERD, AND PROUD OF IT!

last night i installed my first upgrade to my computer, hardware wise that is. this is the monster computer that i purchased for back in april ’01. a monster computer that cost $4,248 that is. but it is now just going out of main streem, with its 80 gig hard drive, 512 ram, 64mb DDR NVIDIA GeFource2 ULTRA 4x AGP with DVI Video Card, 17 inch flat screen, dvd rom drive, cd burner drive, 250 internal zip drive, turtle beach santa cruz DSP sound card, altec lansing THX certified ADA885 doulby digital speakers with sub, and a dell digital audio receiver (that i never used)

what did i install might you ask, well a nice big 300 gig hard drive, since i filled up my lil 80 giger some how (i’m thinking too much clip art n such on the computer, that and doom 3). i opened up the case and with my handy can of air, blasted away the tons and tons of dust that had been blocking the intake vent, the 2 out take fans, drive bays, and just everything inside. it looked like one of those haunted houses you seen in the movies with all those spider webs all over the place, well same thing here but this was dust.

so far i’ve moved 10.2 gigs over to the new drive, it seems like an endless void to be filled with what ever i want. now i’m thinking to my self, maybe its time to start downloading “freebies” once again 🙂

some interesting news

it seems changed are the views

things might be going in my direction

should i start to take down my protection

i’m afraid to let her in

to let her see the tenderness of my skin

how easily the outer layer can crack

from a simple word, a most devastating attack

but i want her to know

how special she is like virgin snow

the feelings i feel for her

but in return will she concur

this debate i have within myself

i wish i could find some magical elf

to tell me the answer i seek

or just a slight little peek

i’m just not sure

as i try to find this cure

in these writings i write

during the dark lonely night

why doesn’t the good guy ever win

why doesn’t he ever get the girl

the good guy who never committed a sin

she probably knows that he likes her

she has to know that he likes her

its obvious to every one else

perhaps she likes playing games

perhaps she is the one that likes to be the winner

forget the good guy, the prize goes to the one who is the sinner

he tries to forget about her

he tries not to have those feelings

its just like what keeps you alive, you just can’t stop breathing

the smell of the air reminds me the time kat and i went to boston on a whim stayed up all night walking all over the town, messing with the late night djs at radio stations, taking random pictures with the “digi cam”, adopting a plastic child left on the street, watching the sun not come up do to crazy fog in the park, going to dunkin’ donuts at seeing cops, and the ride back home in the late morning…

ah memories…

wow 3 hits on tuesday and nothing since… but one of them was from the far reaches of the interweb as it once was known…

… remember this?

why is it that when ever i have a day off, the night before i dont have anything to do, there for i end up going to bed a bit earlier then i would normally and not as tiered as i should be. and what is the result from that, be waking up at the ass crack of the morning wide awake. wtf!!!! so now like my day is shot cause i’m going to be out of it for the rest of the day when i try to get back to sleep like later on in the day… grr…

in other news happy happy, i talked to kat last night 🙂

1.Who is most beautiful person you know on the inside and out?

– hmm not sure about that one

2. If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be?

– my perfect match

3. How many times during the day do you think about sex?

– when don’t i think about it?

4. Which relationship appeals to you more, a wild passionate one, or a quiet calm one?

– hmm only quiet after the passion is over…well for the 5 min before we start up again.

5. What is off limits for you in the bedroom?

– in the bedroom, or how about any where else should be the question… i dunno farm animals, and i have an exit only sign posted

6. What is your favorite thing to do in the bedroom?

– sex, get a way from people, play on the computer, listen to music

7. Do you flip out easily?

– not usually

8. Would you rather your partner be a tad overweight or a tad underweight?

– define a tad?… i’d say underweight, cause more fun can be had… but on the other hand overweight, more fun can be had to try to work that off 🙂

9. Miller lite or Coors lite if you had to choose?

– miller

10. Do you still have feelings for your ex?

– not of her but the thing about being in a relation ship… and she was a nice piece of ass..

11. If you could kill anyone right now, who would you choose?

– hold on let me get my list… i think i left it at work..

12. What color of hair most appeals to you on the opposite sex?

– red, black, and the others

13. Ever filmed you and a partner having sex?

– yup.. .her idea

14. What is the best T.V. show of all time!

– oh man… most of them are on cartoon network

15. If you could marry anyone in the world who would it be and why?

– that person from question number 2 and there for the answer from number 1

16. If you had to choose, would you rather die from drowning, or burning?

– hmm i guess i could go the anikin way

17. What one person from your past would you like to talk to?

– my self just before highschool to let me know what the deal is.

18. Do you own a sex toy?

– a toy.. hahahahah

19. What do you think of George W. Bush?

– what do i think of you for asking me this?

20. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be and why?

– out with question number 1, 2 and 15

21. If you had to travel for 21 days and could only bring 5 things, what would you bring?

– number 20’s answers, my cell phone, and can’t think of anything that i wouldn’t be able to just get where ever i’m going

22. What’s your favorite trait of the opposite sex?

– laugh, and smile, eyes, butt, tits, legs

23. Do you like to give or receive oral sex?

– give

24. Who’s your favorite actor?

– me when i’m working

25. Who’s your favorite actress?

– anyone who’s good

26. Favorite candy bar?

– Snickers – word

27. Favorite sex position?

– Doggy style – word again… but any will do

28. Favorite soda?

– cherry coke

29. Is OJ guilty?

– only if there is too much pulp

30. Have you ever had sex with a friend from myspace?

– … i have

i’m fucking sick of this.

what might that be you ask? well my mother.

i’m sick of her trying to fucking guilt trip me into making me feel bad when i actually go out and do something with my friends. case in point. the last 2 days, friday night and saturday. earier in the week i had told her that i’m going out to dinner with my friend mel who i actually haven’t hung out with in a very long time. a very nice change of pace then going out with my mother let me tell you… anyway i didn’t know what time she was going to call me, but it was going to be after i got home for work, so to shorten this story, mother was like what she didn’t call, after she went out (to do what ever the fuck that was) and saw me sitting at the kittchen table watching tv,i’m like no she called and she is going to call me back after she is getting ready. mother didn’t seem to happy about that but she kept that to her self.. somewhat.. then as i’m leavnig to go out she’s like where are you 2 going to eat, i said tea pot and responce was if your not doing anything afterwords bring me home something… now the translation for that is i’m not going to tell you what i want or ask you anything specific like that, i’m just going to nibble on some yogurt or something and sit my ass where i always do on the computer in the aol jewish singles/western mass chat rooms and wait to see if you bring me home anything.

so i brought her home 1/2 of this huge thing of food that i had got for my self. and she wasn’t able to have it then cause it wasn’t cooked enough for her.. so i put it in the frig and i’m assuming with the soy sauce on the kitchen table yesterday that she had it for dinner last night.

on to last night, i called her up like 2 hours before i was to leave work telling her that i’m going out after work with jen, and then she was like ok.. ending the conversation so i’m like ok. and hung up the phone. went out with jen to dinner then a walk around northampton, had a great time (thanks again) and then came home. mom was still up and sitting at her computer asked where i went n stuff, and a not so happy “thats nice” was her reply…my responce was nothing and walked away.

so today i had a nice lil 7am shift on a sunday morning to do the floor set at work . mother and i had made no plans at to do something. i came home at 4:30, she asked me how was work, i said busy and i’m very sleepy, went into my room changed and was laying down on the bed with the fan on me cause it was very warm today and i was beat. she knocks on my door, opens it asked what i have planed, said i dont know i wanna get some rest, and she gets all pissed off about not going out to eat and stuff.

so in short, excuse me for going out with friends and having a live, and not being some loser who hangs out with his mom all the time and constantly goes out to dinner with her, cause apparently with have nothing to cook with, even if the kitchen is filled with cooking things…

there i’m done venting

i was going to write tonight how i haven’t heard from my friend kat, as i mentioned the other day. how the last time we hung out (maybe 2 months ago?) she gave me this photo of the 2 of us that we took together in a photobooth up in northampton. i asked her why is she giving me this, she said the had a copy and i took it at that.

so the past couple of days there has been a thought that has been floating around in my head… the thought of what if that was some sort of good bye from her to me, something to remember her by, something to remember us by. and that was what i was going to talk about tonight, but i have something brighter then that to talk about.

i sent her a message on myspace, since i noticed that she was on it the other day. and i sent her somewhat of a sad message asking where she had gone. and tonight i thought i’d check myspace if she had been on it as of late. and in fact i had a message from her, saying she is around but very antisocial. so i wrote back giving her a brief rundown of what i’ve just said here. and what crazy thoughts i start thinking of when i dont hear from her.

so yeah a happy ending to an other wise sad post. 🙂

and a side note, i’ve had dreams before about being in a romantic situation with someone but never actually completing, such as a kiss or the alike. but a dream the other night we kissed. but the thing about it was that it was more like a real life type of thing, not a dream. i’ve had what some could say were visions of things that have happened before they happen, but i never know when or how and such till it is happening or just after it happened that i’ll be able to say whats next, or remember when i first knew of this… anyway, its what the person said just before we she kissed me that makes it a bit odd, cause its something she would say before she would kiss me, and not something that my mind would have made up. i kind of hope that it was only a dream, because i dont know how i’d sort things out if it were to become true… things would change, things that i once hoped for, and things i also once feared…