blog.blindsyntax.com

I try to no avail
Unsuccessful with every endeavor
Hopeful and yet still optimistic
Countered by depression and doubt
Realistic optimist logical to a fault
Questionable outcomes
Results from causes and effects
Still flipping the coin
Shooting from the hip
Going with the flow as I paddle upstream
I try

a glimpse of what could be
seeing what others have
their amazing feelings
their other half is the best
now left alone
just one half
amazing by my self
silence in the room
postponed future next times

Here in this empty bed alone tonight
Tomrrow I know it will end the same
But before that happens is what I question
She will want to lay down on the bed once again
I will want to cuddle with her once again
Will she do something mean as before
Will I have the temptation to go forward
Or will I have the willpower not to do anything
If we kiss will there be anything felt
Anything behind it anything learned or lost from it
This will be a tipping point of possibilities or the reality of nothingness
Tomorrow we will see
See what will be spoke and said
Time together, food together, drinks together
Unknown outcome together

I want to put my head down on your chest
Let me hear you heart beating
Will it be speeding up
Or will it be calm and soothing
Will it sound like your love for me
Or will it be half the beat of a gallifreyan
Let me nuzzle my head between your breasts
Take in the smell of your chest
Run your hands in my hair
Whisper something soft and sweet The warmth of your body next to
the warmth of mine
Kiss my head gently
Tell me that I’m a keeper

I have no one next to me
So I can say good night, I love you
And give her a kiss
Either on her lips or her forehead

I have no one next to me
To tell me that they love me
To give me a kiss good night
Have me hold them in my arms

I have no one next to me
For me to be the big spoon
And for them to be the little spoon
To feel each others hearts beating

I have no one next to me
For them to hog the blankets
To cuddle close for warmth
For me to smell her allure

I have no one next to me
To wake up with bad breath
To say I love you
And start the day with a kiss